life as viewed from behind mirrored sunglasses

1137516

2010-03-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

Well out of the two, i decided to go with 1337 Records!! Problem is; my parents don't like the name too much, and are beginning to talk me out of it. Arg. So here i go to find another name =P if nothing better comes along, i'll keep this one, but i'd love to find one that means more to me than 1337 Records. I thought about a few options, Black Hat Records (Taken) White Car Records (Lame) Howdy Dowdy Records (Just plain funny) and then i think i /might/ have a winner with this one: 5:16 Records. It flows well, and it means something to me... it's relating to the verse Matthew 5:16, which says "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven". It's the same verse i got LightShineDesigns from, and before that, LightShine Art And Cards (before it became Nathan Dowdy Fine Art) and it means a lot to me personally. At the same time, ehhhhhhh. Something doesn't feel /quite/ right about it. Talk me into it? Talk me out of it? Either way, i need your feedback on it. Any new ideas you might have? Tell you what: if you come up with a name that i like and use, i'll give you an awesome prize!!!! ...Not sure what that prize would be, but be assured of this: it WILL be awesome. Yes oh yes it will.

____

HELP!

2010-03-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

I'm at a loss here. I'm finally getting the chance to get the graphic design work done for my little label, but i can't decide whether to call it 1337 Productions or 1337 Records. I can't call it 1337 Production Studios yet because my studio isn't ready to actually bring clients in, and it's barely big enough or good enough for me to do work here myself... i'm leaning towards calling it 1337 Productions, so i can say that i'm the engineer and producer, but at the same time if i don't call it 1337 Records it doesn't designate it as a label. Agh what to do... thoughts, anybody? Please? Pretty please?

2010-03-19T16:23:00.001-07:00

Well today i topped 100 fans on my solo music project's fan page!! I'm pretty psyched, because now i get my custom fan page URL, and i can share my music high-quality with everyone outside of facebook!

www.facebook.com/nathanaaronmusic

(you can also check it out at myspace.com/nathanaaronmusic and purevolume.com/nathanaaronmusic, but Facebook's music player quality is the best, you can listen to the music how it's supposed to sound like)

For those of you that haven't ever listened before, my music could best be classified as "Indie". I love every single musical style (except for mainstream/pop of course, but that's not really a musical style haha) and it's apparent in the music i make. I only have two songs up now (one, a very unique electronic/violin fusion version of O Come O Come Emmanuel, the other, an alternative acoustic song called "Satisfy" written by myself and one other) but more is very soon in coming. I'm working on an indie/progressive EP right now that will be mostly instrumental, and i have about 5 collaboration projects simmering on the burners as well that will soon be coming to fruition in the next few months. Please take a minute to take a listen, take a second or so to click "become a fan" and then take another moment, if you really like it, to suggest it to those who you think would also enjoy it ;-) Here's the link again, just because i believe in overkill =P

www.facebook.com/nathanaaronmusic

And here it is again, because i can. Hehe:

www.facebook.com/nathanaaronmusic

___

The Paradox

2010-03-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patty's Day everybody!! I hope you wore green, or at least pinched someone. I did both of course, and someone almost kissed me, (I'm Irish) but that's a story for another time. I made a couple people lucky, researched some of my Family Tree with Lou, (who is also very much Celtic, so i had company in my greenness), and, pulled out my Irish accent. It was all epictacular of course. Here's a rather stereotypical Irish picture:

Ha-ha. I love how i get to be so racist, and no one can say a word because I really am Irish ;-) Of course i shamelessly bash all other races too. It's just what i do. I love everybody though. Really, I do. That does NOT mean i like everybody though. Ohhhh no, actually I

Well, let's just move on. Shall we? Yes we shall. (i love not giving you a chance to respond. It's my blog, i'll move on whether you want me to or not and there's not a doggone thing you can do about it, other than stop reading. Teehee ;-) ...Which you very well could do. But then i wouldn't like you too much. [See above.])

Anyway.

I was also informed of something very interesting. Lindsay searched my family name, and found this from www.houseofnames.com/fc.asp?sId=&s=Dowdy+ :

The history of the name Dowdy dates back to a time before Irish names were translated into English. The original Gaelic form of Dowdy was O Dubhda. The first portion of the name comes from the word dubh, which means black, while the second portion is probably an obsolete Irish personal name. First found in county Mayo where they held a family seat from very ancient times. The family can be traced back to the ancient King Niall of the Nine Hostages, who in turn could be traced back to the Heremon Kings.

So how cool is that?? This is the part of the fairytale story where i find out i'm adopted and my immensely wealthy nobleman parents come and we have this big tearful reunion and triumphant classical music plays. Haha. Thank the Lord we don't live in a Disney movie, eh? But yes i thought it interesting that again i find that i'm of royal blood. That's right, again =P My grandmother's maiden name on my Father's side, MacDougal, was the ruling clan of Scotland for hundreds and hundreds of years. We even have a castle to prove it, actually ;-) My grandmother's maiden name on my Mother's side, Virgo, was the ruling family in Germany, in the province of Volkengen, which was dissolved in World War I, and my great great great great Aunt, the Countess of Volkengen, was forced to flee in the middle of the night from invaders attacking her castle, with nothing but the clothes on her back, her young son, and three immensely valuable diamond rings. She fled to a ship, and bought passage to America where she perished before she even made it to land, from the shock and despair of it all. Her son, Karl Marx (No, not /the/ Karl Marx) survived her and his daughter took the name Virgo, in marriage. Also, my mother's maiden name, Abernathy, was brought over on the Mayflower. Not proudly, (The first Abernathy in the New World was a prisoner of debt, he came to work a plot of land to pay it off. Maybe that's where i get that from =P) Not proudly, mind you, but still. I'm definitely proud of my family history, ask me about it and i'll tell you a hundred other stories - I'm not the only one in my family with a crazy life ;-)

Now to skip back to another part of the text i quoted. As you read, i found out today that the name "Dowdy" in it's original Gaelic means "Black". Let's pause for a moment.

Aaaaahahahahahahaha in your face Elijah.

Ok i just had to get that out. Anyway, I got to thinking how interesting of a paradox this is. See, the first part of my name interestingly goes along with this: "Nathan" means "God's gift" and "Aaron" means Light. My family always capitalized on the fact that my name means "God's Gift of Light". Well we left off the last bit... My name actually means "God's Gift of Light, Black." Certainly a darker twist on my name for sure.... 0.o Rather than expound on this i'm going to end it here, rather abruptly wouldn't you sa

____

Co-written

2010-03-10T23:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#hurts%20like%20teen%20spirit

That is a song co-written by Johnny Cash, Nirvana, Blue Oyster Cult, and New Order.

That's right.

An unknown genius producer apparently got ahold of the masters of "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, "Hurt" by Johnny Cash, and a song i don't know by New Order, and arranged them into one absolutely brilliant song, combining Blue Oyster Cult's haunting guitar riff with Nirvana's bass line, New Order's acoustic guitar, and The Man In Black's plaintive unmistakeable vocals to get a blend of music spanning from 60 years ago till now. This is a true fusion, of both music and meaning. These songs, to me, are old friends... and yet to me they stood apart, in their separate meanings, and their separate musical genius: their separate entities. Incredibly, this radical new mix has taken these haunting classics and fused their distinct meanings to create it's own fresh meaning: in effect, a new song has been born from these past whispers of passion from great lost souls spanning these many generations... THIS is what i love about music: that even though the men who wrote these four songs that serve as this song's base lived completely different lives and experienced radically different joys and sorrows in days lived far apart from one another and completely separated and alienated from one another, their songs, the outpouring of their soul's deep wells of emotion and the window into their perceptions all mesh perfectly into one another to create something new and fresh, and, current. It shows that our generations truly are not as different from each other as we perceive them to be: we're all similar when we get down to it. We breath the same air, feel the same passion, love the same, grieve the same, fear the same, hurt the same, weep the same, exult the same, and worship the same. Our soul's fabric is woven from the same cloth: we are after all, made in our heavenly Father's image; every single generation alike. Only Time separates us, and what is Time? Simply a marker, an idea to look forward to and back on. In Heaven there is no time, and there will be perfect communion between believers regardless of generation or race or gender. How sweet it truly is to have a foretaste of that here in this world!! For me, this song represents unity. Unity between the past and present, unity between our ideas, unity between our passions. Are we any different than those that have gone before us? If you listen to this song, you will find it hard to disagree. All our experiences, all our lives, like this song, are co-written: Are we truly that different from those gone before us?

Raining at Sunset

2010-03-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

I love this song, when i'm most discouraged, the bright sadness and excruciating beauty of this song help me so much... you should listen to it while reading this post ;-)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#raining%20at%20sunset

Well. after 2 funtastic posts i think it's time to settle down into a serious one finally... As many of my dear friends who know me well will tell you, i'm not really the wide-open guy i appear to be... i'll let you in on a little secret: a lot of times i act that way so i don't become a "fun-killer" with my strange introspective conspiracy-theory rants and brooding seriousness, which is most of the time who i really am. I do like to have fun of course, but i value good fellowship and deep thinking a far better way to spend time in life rather than goofing off constantly. Life isn't one big laugh, people. Make an effort to make your conversations go deeper, it'll serve you well. I tell ya, most times i laugh because i know that if i don't, i'll cry. And i know many of you are the same... Our lives are so complicated and so extremely frustrating and intensely stressful most times, if we don't take time to both talk out the issues, and then also laugh about them best we can, we'll go insane. Now of course, the best thing to do is go to God first with it all. There's no substitute for Him. But, so many times he provides other avenues as well for our consolation, specifically sweet conversations with a dear friend, laughter, and also music to show us His love and care.

Anyway.

Right now, i could use a conversation with a good friend. Although, most of them should be in bed at this hour (2:15 am) as should i be. (i have a good reason for staying up: i'd LOVE to go to bed, i'm exhausted, but i can't yet) Anyway, this blog will have to do.

Today was a rough one. For those of you that don't know, i'm a music producer and mix/tracking audio engineer, i work at 4 different recording studios in Uptown Charlotte, Lake Wylie, and North Charlotte, and i work /for/ about 7 different producers, several of which are high-caliber music legends. I've been very fortunate to get in with that crowd quickly, simply be being at "the right place at the right time" and i've enjoyed the opportunity to work with the biggest artists, producers, label executives, and the like, on some truly great material, at some truly incredible world-famous studios and great live venues... I've been blessed to experience some of the wildest joys and extreme mind blowing excitement over the fulfillment of my passion in music over the past months, and i'm continually humbled to be so blessed with the opportunity to be present while history is being made in the studio and in those tiny rooms away from everyone, the only people there being the forerunners in the new face of music, and myself... i've watched as the face of music is changed and the course of it all been decided... i've been there. I do not say all this to brag, because what am I to deserve this, and what do I have that is not from God? ...Now, along with the intense joy, there is an equal amount of intense frustration, pain and incredible stress to go along, and sometimes more of the latter. Along with witnessing firsthand the advancements in music, i've also witnessed the backbiting, the slander, and sometimes the downright viscousness that these men can portray... Like the mafia, these men are "businessmen" and don't really care if they ruin anyone's career, or if anyone messes up, because they know they have 100 men ready to jump in and fill that one's position. "Nothing personal, it's just business". I've seen young men like myself do just one thing wrong, and seen the producer lean over to his assistant and say "get him out of here" and that young man will be literally kicked out of the studio and locked out, permanently. I live with this stress daily, always conscious of every little thing i do that i don't make a mistake. How i word things even, i have to watch. There are also many things that go on behind the scenes that i am not at liberty to share that add to the burden that i carry... And guys well it just gets to me sometimes. Today was one of those days... And, I feel like also i'm one of the only people left in this world that actually cares any for the work i do, making sure i do things /right/, even though no one will notice or know besides me and God. Nobody does that anymore, and frankly it has me irritated and increasingly angry at the apalling display of apathy i constantly see all around me everywhere i go. Everyone uses everybody else, and the only people that try not to use people are the ones that get used the most and are increasingly drug down into the dirt and beaten down in this horrible sinful desolate world.

BUT

God is so good, everyone. During the course of this post i actually talked to one of my very dear friends who encouraged me with this verse:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

- Romans 8:28-30

And then my friend immediately followed that by quoting the additional chorus to "It Is Well":

"no matter what this life my bring, no matter what my needs may be, no matter that I am so weak, it is well"

And you know what friends? It IS well!! This is not our home, and even though we may experience joys and sorrows here, we can look forward to everlasting Joy in heaven, our TRUE home!! If you have been struggling with depression, i hope these verses help you as they have me... God truly is so good, my friends. Let's all rest in that fact :-)

I promised Lindsay this would be my next post.

2010-03-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

And, i think Marissa gets the next one last i remember. I can't remember. Haha.

Anyway, Lou thinks i should cut and dye my hair this summer, and that i'll look like this:

No no not the random black guy in the back (though WIN on the photo bomb there, random black guy) but the legendary Shia labeouf there in the foreground. Yeah, i think it's a risk worth taking... i'm going to try it i do believe :-D But according to Lou i'll have to dye my eyebrows too, and i already have a scary propensity to look like a slightly cooler Joe Jonas, and his eyebrow, and apparently if i dye my eyebrows they'll be more distinguishable. Oh boy. Well we'll just have to all be in suspense to how this will ultimately turn out. Myself included.

On other notes, i have sworn a bitter and lasting hatred to my last unfortunate cell phone company, the horrid Virgin Mobile. I cut the cord on them last night, but nothing could have prepared me for the eternal horrors i experienced while accomplishing this task. But i have conquered, and i will never again look the devils in the face again. I am putting them behind me and am currently on a quest to seek a better phone company before Friday. May the Lord go with me on this journey.

-Nathan

___

An "Auspicious" Third Attempt

2010-03-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

Gmail chat with Lindsay Taylor:
me: Hey btw i'm looking for a good title for my new post

i've got "The ____ Third Attempt"

and i'm looking for a cool adjective

7:24 PM Lindsay: Frolic.

Or... hold on

lemme get my synonym finder

me: okk

Lindsay: gimme a word

any word

7:25 PM me: um

(that's your word)

hehe

infamous

Lindsay: Here:

7:26 PM Guzzle

me: Guzzle?

It doesn't make sense =P

"A Guzzling Third Attempt"?

Lindsay: It means swallow.

hahaha

me: Oh yeah

Lindsay: How about: Mucky

7:27 PM Is it supposed to be good or bad?

me: keep goin

Good

Very very good :-)

Or maybe something for hopeful

Lindsay: Pandemic

hah

7:28 PM me: I'm trying to say that this is my third attempt and that i'm trying to keep it going

And that i'm excited

like an "Exciting Third Attempt"

But, more exciting.

Lindsay: Okay here:

7:30 PM Vivifying, Auspicious, Roseate

me: Auspicious.

Lindsay: those all mean hopeful

me: So let it be written, so let it be done!!

:-D :-D :-D

Lindsay: hahaha

this is fun!!

I wish you needed more... haha

7:31 PM me: hahaha

Yes, that was a conversation i had earlier with Lindsay-Lou, which was had after i was all excited about starting this blog back up again, and was all set to post when i realized an adjective was hard to find. And boyyyy howdy are those irritating frustrating intimidating annoying strange wonderful exciting cool radtastic little buggers hard to think up. Anyway. ;-)

YES! I've started my blog up yet again!! Do to the encouragements of a lot of you, namely Marissa, Lindsay, and Em, i've finally given in and started it back up :-D Let's hear an excited cheer, not that half-hearted "yay" i just heard you whisper. No, a real HUZZAH is apropos, because they say the third time's a charm, and so here's to another attempt. You ready? One. Two. Three. HUZZAH! There we go. That's better. Well, yes. So i'm back i suppose, and because of several circumstances i'm now able to post more than i was in the past. No no no, i'm not any less busy, the reverse is true - i'm always working, it seems like. BUT i work a lot from my home studio, which has internet! So i'm online a lot now. How cool is this? Yes the wonders of modern technology astound me. I can work, have a social life, and be on the web all at the same time!! I'm so special, just like everybody else.

Well now you say, Nathan, will you be bringing anything special to the table this time around? Yes, oh yes, yes yes i will. That is, if you consider updates on my life, random stories i write, new posts about new songs from bands i'm producing or songs from myself, exciting tales from my odd life, posts of things i find interesting, and other such things i'll surprise you with, if you consider those things special, then this is the most special blog you will ever read, just brimming over with special specialness ;-) Sadly there will be no specially special specialness in this post, as i'm sure i've talked your poor ears off already: if this was a corn field, harvesting would already be done =P

So i believe that's all for now, i think i'm going to go do something productive now. Oh snap: Peace out homeslice.

-Nathan

And i'm supposed to say this post is dedicated to the lovely Marissa Graf. =P

Oh, and for all you bacon lovers. This sandwich is for you.

What I'm thankful for.

2009-11-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time of year again. I can't believe it's been a year since we took this time to give thanks- it seems like only yesterday. Now last year, and the year before that, and the year before that i believe, i set aside a little time to write up a little thank-you to some of the incredible wonderful people in my life, and this year is no different. So below i'm going to list some of the people that have enriched my life and been such a wonderful and undeserved blessing to me. (Don't be sad if you're not listed, i only have time to mention a few of you.)

My Family, including my Dad, Mom, Grandpa Chuck, Grandma Jill, both Uncle Scotts, all my cousins, Papa and Grandma Dowdy, and all the rest of you: I love all of you - a family is a wonderful blessing, and i have been blessed in excess! I wish i could see more of you more often! Mom and Dad, thank you both for constantly being "For me" and helping me fulfill my responsibilities as i get older. Wonderful parents like you are rare, and I'm so thankful for you.

The band. I'll take time to thank each of you members individually, but i wanted to take a moment to focus on you guys as a whole in this context. Guys, we've been through a lot together. From jumping a van in the pouring rain, to extremely stressful studio sessions, to sharing the pure joy of making great music, and everywhere else we've been and everything else we've done together, you guys have remained my great friends, even after all our trials and joys. I believe that now we're stronger then ever, brought together by all that we've experienced. I am thankful for all three of you and the work we are able to do.

My wonderful friends: (Not in order)

Emily. Your wisdom and Godliness far exceeds your years - i'm constantly getting your age wrong because of it =P You are such a dear sister, and you've helped me through so much in the past up till now with your sound Biblical advice and honest humble perspective. I thank God for you, Em :-)

Kira. Girl i love you. We really should've been brother and sister because you understand me so much better than anybody else... and i'm so, so sorry you're just like me. =P Haha you are amazing and wonderful and i hate that you live so far away!! I gotta watch how much i compliment you 'cause i'm basically patting myself on the back =P Anyway you're great and i love you. :-D All that stuff on your myspace about me obviously goes for you too, because we're twins :-) Haha i am so glad we met, you've shown me some scary scary things about myself, and i know it's the same for you =P I'm just gonna stop now because i don't think anybody else will understand. We are so weird. =P

Ying. Hahaha you are absolutely hilarious. We always have the most... interesting... conversations =P Ahaha... You've been a great friend for a good while now, and i know i can trust you with so much. You've certainly helped me become decidedly less "homeschooled" haha. You're so much fun to be around, and your compassion and encouragement is sometimes the only thing that keeps me smiling when i'm not doing so well :-) And you're awesome when you're hyper - i never know exactly what you're gonna say =P Your sheer randomness is awesome =P You're a dear friend, Ying :-)

Wesley. Man i've known you forever seems like... we've got so much in common, and you know me so well. It's amazing how we can go 13+ hours straight in the studio together doing nothing but sitting and mixing and i don't get tired of hanging out with you =P Man your taste in music is /just/ different from mine that you're always able to coax me just outside of my musical comfort zone to discover sounds that i would never have liked if you hadn't made me listen to them in the first place =P You're one of the only people i can actually talk geek to and not get the "blank look" =P I can't tell you how much And of course the fact that between the two of us we're always right is pretty doggone awesome =P You're a dear brother, a great colleague, and my best friend. I love you man =P

Matt. Dude you've said before that we know everything about each other - i really wouldn't doubt it! We've shared a lot this past year, and i know i for one i am so much better off with your friendship. It's also been wonderful to see you go from a decent drummer to an absolutely incredible and /confident/ drummer!! You're an unstoppable force my friend. I wish we got more time to just hang out, but i look forward to a lot of fun times in the future :-)

Adam. Man you annoy me so much sometimes. It's true. Hahaha and it's a /good/ thing! You constantly show me that being serious about work isn't always the best route (you've probably saved me from a bitter workahaulic's future =P) and to, even in the most stressful circumstances to always have a smile on your face and then do something crazy =P I've certainly had a chance to work on my own prideful impatience with you that's for sure =P It's been a wonderful pleasure to work with you and learn from you and your crazy off-kilter jokes, lead guitar style / musical tastes, and just general off-kilter personality. You've shown me by example that even in the worst times life is crazy good :-)

Morgan. I don't really know you all that well still really, but i have enjoyed getting to know you more this past year, and i certainly look forward to getting to know you better! We've shared some pretty great times together this past year with the bible study group and other events! You're a great Godly girl and a lot of fun to be around :-)

Cara. Last year this time, i don't think i knew you - certainly not as well as i do now. I've gained such a dear friend this past year in you :-) Times at the bible study group just hanging out with you and the others really stick in my mind as some of the most joyous times i can remember. You are a wonderful Christ-like young woman, and your sweet devotion to the things of God is truly inspiring. There's not a doubt in my mind that when i ask you to pray for me that you will. I thank God for our friendship :-)

Josiah G. Man the biggest thing about you that sticks out in my mind is all the wonderful Godly input you have brought to Amp. I shared with you in a message recently that we value your critiscism/encouragement more than you know, and i was being completely serious. Your friendship is also valued more than you know. Recently you were awarded the honor of the title Eagle Scout, and it is certainly well deserved... you are a strong, confident, Godly leader, and i look forward to all of the work we're going to do in the future together (although i can't share what it is here haha)

Marissa G. You are the most awesome waitress at Steak N' Shake. =P And you are just awesome all around :-) End of story! Haha. Seriously though. I value your friendship so much - you have such a heart for God, and your sweet compassion shows through in everything you do. You're certainly a picture of what a Godly young woman should be, and i've enjoyed getting to know you more this past year :-)

Josiah "Steve" Chacko. Man you're a walking Wikipedia =P Everything to know about everything you somehow have stored somewhere =P And you always have exactly the right information to give just the right spin on whatever we're discussing that never fails to knock me for a loop and give me a brand new perspective on the topic! You're a wonderful encouragement to me brother :-) I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you so well this past year!

Zach. Dude me n' you've been bestest buddies for i don't know how many years now. :-D I know that we were both into legos and linkin logs and the vintage Transformers when we first met though, that's how long it's been =P i've known you probably 12 years now i guess 0.o Give or take. Since then we've never stopped being bestest buds :-) I'm thankful that after all this time we still find the time for B'jangles as bi-weekly as we can get :-) Man the spring semester at CPCC was just magical =P I didn't think i could have so much fun at the campus Bojangles but somehow me and you managed to pull it off! I'm so thankful for your friendship.

Kailey and Darcy. Well our friendship is certainly better than it was a year ago that's for sure =P Haha, girls i've certainly gained two wonderful friends with you two!! It's been a joy to really get to know you both, instead of just knowing you like i did for years as just two other teens that go to Crossway... I really look forward to getting to know you both more in the future!!

Eric. Brother, we've gone through quite a lot since i've met you... Your brutal honesty has been such an aide to me over the years. So many times you forced me to be honest with myself over my true motives and desires, and at those times i couldn't be more angry with you.... after the dust settles and i look back, i realize that you've helped me back from the cliff's edge. I'm beginning to see even in the midst of those times what a selfless service you're doing for me... and brother i want you to know that i am so appreciative and thankful of it. You are a dear Godly brother in Christ to me man.

Lindsay. Hahahahahaha. <-- that pretty much sums you up =P haha your joy and zest for life is so contagious!! You are sooo much fun to just be around. Talking to you i just can't be depressed or sad in any way :-) Since you live so far away i haven't really been able to get to know you as well as i'd like, but i'm thankful for opportunities in the future!!

________

And that's just a few of the wonderful people in my life. There are many of you who, as i said above, i couldn't mention here, but have blessed me in innumerable other ways!! I thank God for each of you.

There are many other things i am thankful for, but i will not list them here because they are materialistic. True joy comes from fellowship shared with dear friends and family, and as i shared last year: "I know life would be so lacking, dull, empty, and lonely without all of yall's friendship" It certainly still holds true. I hope all of you have had a blessed Thanksgiving and have taken a moment to give glory to God for the wonderful people in your life.

____

A Promise Fulfilled

2009-11-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

No not the movie or novel. I promised Em a while back that i would post a post on my dear old blog. Well here i am, with a ton of stuff to say, but not much that would keep either you or me interested and/or entertained. So i'm gonna do just a freeflow of stuff that comes to my head, and just enjoy myself. You can enjoy yourself reading this or not, it's quite up to you i'm sure. Ok. So recently i've been unable to make my Care Group on Wednesday nights because of studio sessions, so i've been searching for a new one for myself, one that i'll be able to attend, and one that i'll hopefully be able to grow with and contribute to. I visited the Elliott (two t's, i remembered!) Care Group this past sunday, and had a great time with the Harris's, Elliott's, and Decoste's (And Kacey =P) Great discussion, great fellowship, and let's not even start about the food! :-) And it was hilarious to see how animated all the girls got with Catchphrase =P I swear the decibel level was over 100 - and i had to protect myself with a pillow. I certainly saw quite another side of some of you =P =P *quick segway* These few months have been a blur for the band - we've been grueling over the EP, but through all the stress and times i want to absolutely tear my crazy hair out, we've been given much grace and this album is shaping up very very well :-D We have 3 tracks with absolutely flawless bass and drums, and one track that is almost ready for the album!! We'll be taking about a two-week break for thanksgiving, but after that things heat back up again and we'll be finishing up the sessions at Centipede Studios and moving on to the sessions at Abba Productions and Reflection Sound Studios. We've got some exciting things boiling on the horizon as well, so look forward to that. Anyway enough about that. I need a paying job people! Even as much as i freeload, being a broke recording artist requires a good share of the green stuff. With this economy too, the things i specialize in (music recording and production, graphic design, advertising, computer repair) are just not as in demand as they were a few years ago. I might find myself saying do you want fries with that here in a while if i can't find anything else. Even though i keep telling myself there's no shame in that (and there isn't, all you CFA employees =P =P) I still would like something a little more lucrative, as i need to help my family through this rough spot as well. It's all in God's plan, but if you could be part of God's plan and tell me any suggestions for employment, i'll say a prayer for you =P Anyway that's all the time i have folks, God bless and good night =P

End-of-Year Rant (read for explanation) =P

2009-09-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

A long while ago, actually December 31st, 2008, i wrote this - and i've had it on my to-do list to post since then =P I've put it off long enough, so, here it is: my end-of-year rant =P

Well today must really be a day for writing - this is my third post today! I just can't stop writing since it's the end of the year... I've spent the day so far just sitting and thinking, and then writing. I've still got to write about my new year's resolutions, and my new 6 month plan! But right now i'm gonna postpone that and talk about something i think a couple of you have already written about - fake Christian music. This stuff really gets my goat. You know the kind. The "music" with generic lyrics that can be taken four thousand different ways, where you don't know if the artist is singing about God, his girlfriend, or his grandma, and where the music is uneventful, just mainstream 2 chord 3 note melody crap. Now i say this with risk of sounding like a hypocrite. I have no problem with music that is deemed "secular" where the artist only sings about relationships, or things of that nature. And of course i have no problem with singing about God or your grandma. What i absolutely hate is when the lyrics are so generic to be taken to be any of the above - that is the tip of the iceberg to a bigger problem - Greed. Think about it. These artists have no passion for anything except money. They will write "music" that is appealing to all, crafting generic chord progressions, melodies, and most of all lyrics, that can be taken any number of ways, just to appeal to as large an audience as possible. Here's an example. Artist "A" writes one of these type of songs, and his producer and publisher send it to numerous radio stations. Christian radio station "WABC" listens to "A's" song, interprets it to be talking about the artist's relationship with God, and plays it for it's audience, who interprets it the same way. At the same time, secular station "WXYZ" reviews the song, determines it to be about the artist's relationship with his girlfriend, and plays it for it's audience, who also interprets it this way. This happens all across the board. The song gets a huge amount of radio play, which in turn generates a huge amount of record sales which... guess what... makes money!! Now of course there's nothing wrong with money. But when an artist compromises his beliefs and decieves countless thousands of people , claiming to be a "christian" artist on some stations and a "secular" artist on other stations, the artist shows a lack of integrity and a love for money that completely sickens me. I despise artists such as this. Write Christian music, write secular, write BOTH, but for God's sake, and all of ours, Don't write something that can be taken as both!! This concludes today's rant =P

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just life :-)

2009-09-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

How bout another post? I think it's a good idea. Today was great, had so much fun with my dear friends at lunch and the church after :-) Apples to apples got slightly boring after a while but we still had some good times :-) Thanks for making my day awesome, "fellas" ;-)

Well this week will be interesting - as usual i have no idea how it's gonna be, i expect more of the same - looking for work, working around the house, driving around taking care of errands, working on projects that need to be completed, and working on school, and tracking in Studio A. But hey things don't go as planned, and i'm counting on it, or else this week will be pretty durn boring =P

Oh and i just realized I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO FOR LABOR DAY TOMORROW!!! OMG! Anybody want to change that? hehe =P

And i totally just wasted about 2.4 minutes of your life through reading this, depending on your reading speed. =P

The rollercoaster

2009-09-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

So nothing (except the Gospel of course!) can account for how crazy happy i am at this particular moment. Maybe it's that my foreseeable future is very bright, with great things going on in my christian walk, the band, my career, my senior year, and my social life and activities haha. But... this past while since i've posted, life hasn't been quite this way.... i struggled on and off with depression and anxiety (haha - i sound like an anti-depression meds commercial =P) and i wasn't doing too great or relying on The Lord at all. Like the title of this here post, my life's been a rollercoaster lately... But, due to much prayer and so so much love and care from my dear dear friends, things have been much much better! I've been so at peace the past few days, and i believe God is starting to dissolve the deep bitterness and anger that's been in my heart over a few issues. It's hard to forgive sometimes, but of course that's what God calls us to do, and i'm slowly learning that. So wayyyy too much has been going on in my life to really list it all here, it's all been a blur of stuff (mostly music related!) mostly comprised of working in the studio with engineer Robert McClure, yelling at musicians, running cables, and generally getting everybody organized so Mr M can do his job... last saturday it was just him and me in a session recording a jazz band of 15+ members! As he said "We're runnin around like chickens with our heads cut off!" It's so much fun though... like i know i've said before, i've quite found my calling, as far as i can tell now... Also been going on is a very light school year, surprisingly for my last year (YAY) of highscool... i love the approach we're taking this year haha. And i'm still searching for a full time job, getting everything organized so i can start calling studios. AMP has been just amazing lately as always, we are currently tracking our single This Final Breath and hope to have it out very soon. Wesley and i were in Studio A all day yesterday, and we'll be there all day tomorrow as well. Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday i'm planning to spend with great friends, and just kick back and relax after a crazy busy yet amazing week. :-) Well to stop myself from elaborating further, i'm gonna cut this short (!!) and post something i wrote at about 4am while i was still depressed... if you can look past the gloom, i think it has some great points, reading back through it... see what you think.

"I never want to conform to what is deemed "cool". I know that popular culture defines what is "cool" and i choose to not be swayed by popular culture as i understand the system and try to influence and create the popular culture, and if i be conformed to it, i could not influence or sway it as /i would be conformed to the same mold i tried to shape!/ "Do not be conformed to the Image of this world but /be transformed by the renewel of your mind!!/" This is the lifestyle we are called to lead, to be influencers and shapers and not mindless conformants to a corrupt system. I may be deemed "uncool" by those conformed, but it means no more to me than a drop of water would to a raging river. It's our call to BE that raging river, a current and force so strong that it destroys the levies and dams of popular culture and opens us up to a renewed vigor for life, the Renewal of The Mind."

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Updates and new AMP Blogger feature!

2009-08-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, a couple updates :-)

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So i'm sure you noticed the blaring white bar on the right side of my blog haha - Facebook has recently launched a widget to allow you to post a live feed of fan pages to your blog or website! I of course snatched it up real quick and posted it here for AMP! :-) If you're an AMP fan, i highly encourage you to add this gadget to your page or blog ASAP! here are the steps:

#1 go to your layout --> page elements section on your blogger homepage

#2 click "add gadget"

#3 find the "hTML/JavaScript" gadget and click on it

#4 in the title bar, name it "Awake Music Project Fan Page" or something similar ("greatest band in the world" is also fitting =P =P haha!)

#5 Since Blogger will not let me post the needed code here, i have posted it in a comment on this post. post the code that's listed there in the "content" box

#6 Save your preferences

#7 Enjoy =P

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Well today we did an interview and acoustic session on WBT's Alana Flowers Show. It went well, and i want to thank those who lifted us up in prayer before during and after it, especially for me as i was and am dealing with a very bad head cold. Praise God, though, he lifted the symptoms for the duration of the show and i experienced a clear head, clear sinuses, and even though i had been coughing regularly all morning, during the hour of the show i did not cough or sneeze or even need a tissue once. That is clearly a work of God!! Frustratingly though the cold is back with full force... prayer for quick healing would be much welcome right now and i know all you dear friends will be praying :-) Thank you guys so much!

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In other news in my life and AMP, we'll be playing a show on Saturday, the 15th of this month, at Hickory Grove main campus from 2pm till 5pm!! We'll be playing with our friends The Indictment and Ides of March. Just a warning though - this will NOT be an acoustic session!! :-) In fact the other two bands are classified "screamo" and will be absolutely brutal :-) I'm looking forward to hearing them perform, but if metal just ain't your thang you are more than welcome to come just for us and then leave after our set is over - we'll be playing first so you'll have this option. We'll be playing 5 or 6 brand new songs, and we'll be putting on quite a show! I'm looking forward to it, and i really hope you guys can come out with us!! Here's a link to learn more...

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=149206169376&ref=share

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Well i believe that's about it. Keep me and the guys in AMP in your prayers, we really need it! Bless yall :-)

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Welcome to life.

2009-07-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

Hey folks. Lately i have had way too much to post so i decided why post at all? I don't even know why i'm posting now. I guess to try to keep up some semblance of the appearance of still posting. Right now i'm in one of my "don't you dare mess with me" moods, and i'm glad i'm home so i don't take it out on anybody. I probably shouldn't be posting because my bitterness and anger will bleed through on the text... now see i don't feel bad, just very angry and bitter. For far too many reasons. Mostly because people are sheep. They will listen/buy/watch/do anything, and follow the other stupid, pathetic sheep and the wolves that lead them. Such utter stupidity. This pop culture is built off it. Everybody feeds into it. The smart ones feed off it. The ones that are angry enough and uncaring enough know just how to lead the sheep... well what kind of a choice does that leave us outside of the culture's grip? To make a living, and to get power, we have to be the wolves. I know how to get the power... and it scares me that i do. I know how this world works, and i know just how to get what i want and need from it. I have learned how to use people. And sadly it's use or be used. I've been used so many times...Do you know what that does to a person? If you're weak, you collapse into a shell of yourself. If you're strong, you become jaded and bitter towards everyone and everything and learn to use people yourself. ...Guess who i am? And for all you stupid pathetic sheep that have taken your shot at using me - try again :-) Ever heard of the Long Con? :-) This will be fun... and hey... as they say in the mafia, nothing personal, it's just... business :-) Welcome to life, folks. And more specifically, welcome to the entertainment industry, a specific business dedicated to fulfilling the greed and mindless pleasure of the masses. It's all about power and money, taking it from the stupid sheep and transfering it into the hands of the ones who actually know what to do with it, and actually have a musical preference and an ear for perfection and excellence instead of just purchasing the newest one-hit wonder no-talent that comes onto the billboard top 10 like the masses they pander to. Don't you just love this screwed-up world? I know i do. Don't you just love how we have to reap the results of the fall in order to create or perpetuate any semblance of good? That's my business. I create evil in order to recieve power so i can create good. It's so messed up... but hey, it's life. Welcome to Using and Being Used. Get used to it. End of post.

Mobile!

2009-07-13T12:05:00.001-07:00

hey folks! i am posting from my phone! how bout that. i will be posting a lottt more now that i can go mobile! can i get an AMEN?! =P

Cliffhanger

2009-07-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

I just realized i've only posted 15 times since April 0.o That's quite shocking. I want to keep this blog up, but i seem to never have time... *sigh*. Well then i guess i should catch you guys up to my life recently...

i climbed King's Mountain yesterday with Matthew, Adam, Josiah, and a guy named Patrick yesterday - it was the most fun i've had in a while, and of course that's saying something =P I almost died as you can see below....

Of course this picture was staged (although i was standing on a small ledge you can't see here that was about six inches wide that spanned over a distance that i claim was several hundred feet and Adam claims was less than 50. I am sticking to my story, but no matter it was still very hardcore what i did, and stupid =P I did not die then, not even coming close. I did come close with the escaped convict though... though that's a story for another day.

All this week has been Drama Camp! I've had the privilege, along with Wesley and Emily S, to be "student directors", or camp counselors i guess if you prefer :-) It has been an absolute blast so far, and i know it will be next week too :-) Might post a few photos later.

Wesley and i just finished the Mystery Client Project, and our awesome mystery client has already been given his two tracks and we have tied the ribbon on that box and called it finished :-D I am now proceeding to enjoy my summer, and continue work on PREAMP: the Awake Music Project EP! More updates coming soon on that.

I am now going to leave to see some dear friends, namely Zach, Ying, and Sammy B, at frisbee :-D I'm already very late. Peace yall, hope to post soon.

Ciow! (pronounced Chow Although it is Cow Appreciation Day tomorrow - i will be dressing up - come prepared - i'll see yall tomorrow)

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Ow.

2009-06-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

So i went to the lake saturday... and came back with the worst burn i think i've ever had. It's worse than one i got in Palm Beach, FL! Wierd thing is it's centered around my upper forearms, that's it. It's a reverse farmer's tan! It would be funny, but it hurts to move my arms, so it's not. haha. I think i'm overly complaining, but it has not stopped feeling like my arms are getting burned off since saturday evening. I've tried to put it out of my mind, but who could do that for this?

Lol anyways. Work on the track for the mystery client is going great - last night we had a drum and vocal sesh that went awesome!! We have a deadline this saturday - the track HAS to be done that night. We're gonna make it though! Anyhow it hurts to type and i hear the TV, a bottle of generic cola, and some pizza calling my name......

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Hijacked!!!

2009-06-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the third time (in three weeks, mind you) that Nathan has left himself logged in on my computer. I decided that it is high-time for me to do something to teach him a lesson. (hahahaha)

So, I'm not going to do anything mean... just hijacking. =P

Nathan, you are awesome, but please learn to log out of your account on my computer. Hahahahaha...

Peace out, y'all! Blog post coming soon!

~Wesley

the Quest Award

2009-06-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well, last night i was given the Quest Award for "Consistent demonstration of Christ Like Character". I say "given" because i know it's definitely not deserved or even merited. I can think of so many of you, namely Brandon, Wesley, Adam, Matt, (if yall went to the church) Eric, and so many others that are far more godly than i am... I wish they had been the ones to recieve this... so i want to do something. I want to point out a few of my dear friends who have been such an example to me, namely....

Wesley. My friend you have been such an example to me through all the years we've been friends. Your quiet strength has really kept me in line time after time, and you're never afraid to point out sin in my life, and even though you're a teenage guy too, you always make sure i watch my speed in driving =P Man i appreciate your friendship and godliness so, so much. There is so much i could share about your character, but we're so close i think you pretty much know what i would say :-) Love you much, brother.

Brandon. Man you're an unmovable rock for the Gospel. You're a picture of God's strength, even in your weakness. You will be an invaluable asset to God's kingdom in your life my friend, and i'm excited for everything God has for you as you pursue a life of serving others as an NA and otherwise!

Adam, Matt. I wanted to list yall together to encurage you both as brothers - it's such a wonderful thing to see the kind way you relate to each other, which is quite a rare thing nowadays for brothers so close in age. My friends you both show such enthusiasm for the things of God, and i don't know anybody else who can get everyone so fired up for God like you two can, just with your enthusiastic, warm, and kind personalities. I'm so excited to be working so closely with you two and Wesley in AMP - such a blessing.

Eric. My friend you have never been at a loss for words =P Sometimes that can be a very good thing, as you're never afraid to speak the truth, especially when it hurts. Sometimes you're the only one who dares to. Your pursuit of God above everything is encouraging and truly awesome. I'm always amazed how easy it seems for you to give up things i know you want in light of The Greater Things even though i know it must be as excrusciatingly difficult as it is for the rest of us. You are an excellent example.

Zach. Bro we've grown up together, shared so many wonderful times. You've matured into such a responsibly young man who i look up to :-) You've been an awesome older brother to me and i'm thankful for your friendship and example, and how you constantly strive for a higher standard of Godliness so unselfrighteously!!

Now for a few girls...

Melly. The award was well given to you, my friend :-D I want to add my encouragement to that of your parents, your caregroup leaders, and your other friends - everything they said was so true Melly! You are such a Godly young woman, exhibited in so many ways. What a blessing to have grown up with you sister :-D

Emily. I'm positive you've been lying to me about your age and you're really 18 or older =P How else could you be such an example of a Godly woman? Your quiet kindness, meekness, and true gentleness are exactly what a young woman should exhibit. Your organizational abilities, gifts of encouragement, compassion, and love for people will be used by God

Morgan. I don't really know you all that well still, but i know you have a heart for God and His work - it's demonstrated in your constant kindness and servitude! I've seen how you selflessly care for your little siblings without any complaint that i've seen, and i know God is pleased in that :-)

Keri. You've been through way too much for any girl to handle this year, and even though it has worn you down, it has not destroyed you. You rest on God constantly in your trials, and you always run to Him in your pain. You're a true example of a strong Godly woman and i have much enjoyed our friendship. Keep running to God, my friend.

Janelle. You're a great friend, and your meekness is demonstrated time and time again in your selfless service to your friends and your very large family =P You are a sweet, Godly gal and i can always see your extreme concern and love for people evident so much in you!

There are so many others i could talk about, Josiah, Garett, Mark, Marissa, Kailey, Ming, Samantha, to name just a few of you... i am so encouraged by each of your examples of how a Godly young man or woman should be, and i wish i could talk about all of you but Blogger and time simply won't let me! I think this has gotten vewwy vewwwy sappy but i just wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your Godly example :-D Love you much dear friends!

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One Hundred Dollars

2009-06-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

Oh my lordy it's been a month since i posted this here blog.... 0.o Well i guess what i said last post was not true haha - my life did not, has not, and WILL not slow down.... can you believe that? I don't have highschool now because it's summer, my classes are all wrapped up for this semester, and i don't currently have a job. But that hasn't stopped life from being crazy... i have not been bored in forever and a half... ok so here's what's kept me unbored this past month:

Time with God (less time than i should be spending)

AMP and all it's stuffs (67% of my time)

My solo acoustic project (130% of my time)

My music myspace (done, mostly)

Facebook (i know, i know =P)

Looking for a job (less time than i should be spending)

Eating (Hahaha apparently this is 100% of the time, according to my band =P)

Time with friends (just the right amount :-D)

On the phome with the Phone Company From Hell (WAYY too much time..... .. ..)

Life, and all it's randomness (4000% of my time)

Everything else (whatever percent is left haha)

Yeah that's my life now haha. And i don't feel like giving a play-by-play of my life this past month, most of you know too much already haha. I love life. Most of the time =P

Since you know what's up with me personally, i'm gonna change tack for a minute and come back with a bang... I want to talk about something that's been frustrating me the past few months... Have you noticed at church, the girls talk to the girls, and the guys talk to the guys. And if you break the mold and either join the other group or talk to *gasp* the other sex you MUST like that person! Ugh it gets on my nerves so much. I mean i know girls need girl time and guys need guy time (not as much as girls need girl time i think though =P) but seriously - why don't we teens at crossway take a quote "risk" (!!!) and talk to someone other than our own type? And oh.... God forbid if a guy or a girl hugs each other... that's just wrong. Don't you know we could get cooties??? 0.o It's been a lot better recently though i gotta say. It still frustrates me to look around church and see all guys in one group and all girls in another... right next to each other!!! And it irritates me personally for being called a "ladies man" or worse when i try to change it. Is it so wrong to want to spend time in fellowship with my sisters?? I don't know... I know the dangers with all this, and i know personally for us guys how we're supposed to guard girls' hearts, but yeah... i don't know you guys. What do you think? I know for a fact i'm not the only one that shares this opinion... i'm done ranting on it though =P

Ok so i'm sure i got your attention with the blog title =P hehe that's a song by my *current* favorite band, Manchester Orchestra!! :-D They are truly incredible - they remind me of Death Cab for Cutie meets The Beattles and Ted Nugent haha. (Bravo if you know who those bands are, and you're not like someone who has spent more than 30 minutes with me haha) So here's the lyrics of One Hundred Dollars. Hehe.

Several fishing magazines
Stacked up on top a fake picture of me
When I tried to call
No one answered

It's not even that I'm all angry

Just kind of confused why you do this thing
You said, theres an understanding
I offer you a small dog in the kitchen
I just wanted you to feel at home
And that's why I'm fine
I am fine, I am fine, I am fine
I just need 100 dollars

And I am fine, I am fine, I am completely fine
I just need 100 dollars
From you
And you and you
And you and you

Worship :-)

2009-05-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

I can finally post again!! I've had a ton of preperation to do for worship, and now that that's done with for now i can relax and get back to some sense of normalcy =P

Well tonight for those that weren't there, i led worship along with my band for Q222 Youth Group tonight. Welllll....

Ohhh man....... you know as i was thinking about the worship set tonight, i thought "Ohh i did so awful!!! Transitions were shaky, i totally trainwrecked the start (guitar was in regular tuning instead of Drop D like needed!), I sounded like a gopher on steroids, WHAT was up with my guitar, and OH MY GOSH i was so nervous...." But then as i talked to folks and discussed everything with my parents, i was amazed to hear that people were actually led into worship tonight!! And it wasn't anything that my amazing band did, it's definitely not anything i did, and it's nothing we could have done - it was ALL the Holy Spirit!!! I continuously prayed that God would use our broken vessels to lead the youth group to worship, and that's exactly what He did - along with showing me how broken my vessel really is =P The funny thing is when we started i thought "Yeah, we got this!! It's GOOD! Yeah!!" and then... trainwreck =P I firmly believe that was God saying... "Ummmm... NOPE!!" Haha i just hate that everyone had to "suffer" through my lesson =P Well, all-in-all, i think i'm overanalyzing this. I just pray that everyone was served, and that we were able to be the vehicle with which God ministered to even just one person... it was all worth it, all the weeks and weeks of practice, the stress, the late nights pouring over scripture, if just one person was led into worship... And i for one would love to hear yall's thoughts on all this, critisism, admonishment, suggestions, or any critique you might have :-) Let me know!!

Well it's very late..... i've got to end this now. I'll try to post soon! Peace yall, i really enjoyed spending time with yall my dear dear friends :-) Love yall :-D

Oh.

POUNDCAKE! =P

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i'm still alive!

2009-04-30T09:12:00.001-07:00

I wanted to shoot off a quick post to say, yes, i'm still alive and kickin, i just haven't posated here in a while. My b yall. I've been super busy with AMP stuff as usual, and school is even more hectic for me here lately. The only thing that hasn't really changed for me this week is i'm still listening to City and Colour and loving it :-) I'm still confused though... and... it just gets deeper. I'm just taking it as it comes, and deciding what to do as i seek God in everything. I've been doing that so much lately. So much peace from that....

Well anyhow...

I LOVE american Idol! The top 4 are amazing and i look forward to their upcoming albums! Because you know when they get voted off, they still get recording deals... yep that makes ma happy :-)

Ah one last thing before i head to Bojangles to meet Zach - i just wanted to let you know i took a quiz on facebook about how well i know women, and i scored 100% :-D :-D Yep, it said i'm an expert on the most difficult field on Earth - Girls :-D Hahahaha... Yes, be jealous, guys. =P Hahaha.

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Praise you Lord!!!!

2009-04-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

Oh i'm so happy right now! And concerned... and anxious... and excited... and most of all, humbled... what an honor!!! Ohhh i can't share why... you will all see very very soon!!! :-D :-D

Day Old Hate

2009-04-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well.

i am LOVING City and Colour. They have such a rich, sad acoustic sound. Morgan i think you'd really enjoy them. Such a lonely sound, poignant and beautiful. (the title is one of their songs)

I'm happy, because my cell phone provider is i think FINALLY going to make everything OK with my phone after shipping me TWO broken phones...! And, they changed their plans, and now for 5 bucks more than i pay now i get DOUBLE the minutes i usually do!! So now monthly i have 300 anytime and 1,000 night and weekend minutes :-) they asked me "Would you like to switch?" i was like "Heck yes!!" haha.

AMP is meeting tomorrow - you better be there =P

ohhh lately i've been so confused........ this is not the place to say why........

Later on, i'm planning to just drive and drive... i'm going to do what Keri suggested and drive back and forth on the Highland Creek Parkway... i love that road, especially this time of year. And i love knowing that so many friends live close by, so it's never lonely.

Life is good, you know? Morgan said that earlier and i agree wholeheartedly. There might be problems, but more than life being good, God is good. And that makes life good :-D Something to consider. :-)

Did i mention how much i love City and Colour?

haha

well i am headin' out.

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Thoughts....

2009-04-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

I just love Far From Home by Classic Crime. Matt showed me the song on Monday and since then i've been listening to it almost constantly. Haha i think i'm repeating Morgan though =P

Yall, lately i've noticed i'm becoming a lot diferent, a lot quieter, and more thoughtful. Now i rarely say anything except for that which needs to be said. And i've noticed that one of my favorite activities is to put on an acoustic alternative song and stare at the wall and just think. This is very unlike me. I noticed i was acting this way tuesday when i went to frisbee... Brandon told me that i was almost a diferent person than i was on Sunday, and Keri said i was acting very chill, and wondered what was wrong.....absolutely nothing. I'm very happy now, i'm just very quiet and thoughtful now too. Am i just maturing, moving past from the crazy wacked-out fella i've been? Not real sure. I just know that i've only said about 2 words in the past 2 hours. Maybe this is a good thing? I know i've annoyed some of you with some of my crazy actions, and while i don't feel i've been being immature, maybe it will be good to be a lot more chill from now on. I feel talked out from posting on this blog - that never happens.

You know i haven't posted anything deep on here in a long time - and i figured since i'm spending so much time thinking lately, i may as well post some of my thoughts... lately i've been thinking about Emotionalism and Sentimentalism. It's what puts those extra zeros on the checks in movie and music producer's wallets, what causes you to enjoy a movie. Emotionalism basically means "Emotion for it's own sake" - it's basically the enjoyment of emotion. See when you watch a movie, or listen to music, you're unconsciously expecting to be moved by it. If you watch a movie or listen to music without it making you happy, sad, angry, wishful, fearful joyful, or any other emotion, you consider it a waste of time, and a bad movie or piece of music. Everyone can fall into the trap of conjuring up emotion for it's own sake. And it's a trap, and a bad one too, trust me. See you can go to church on sunday, get stirred up by the music, excited by the preaching, and go home and think that you've "met God" when really all you've done is satisfied your appetite for emotion. Now i'm not saying you should go to church and not be moved by the music or stirred by the preching, God gave us music to enjoy, and he gave us His word to stir us and encourage us. What i'm saying is to be mindful of the distinction between the conjured-up feeling of emotion, and the actual truth from God. Does this make sense? If not i'll rethink it and repost it in a way that does. I have more to say on this subject, but right now i have to head on out.

to quote Ming: Life, kids. Life.

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A little ol' post

2009-04-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Nobody posts on their blogs anymore, me less than anyone. That's disappointing. I know we have so much to say, i talk to yall on the phone or in person and we always have a lot to say... are we all just so busy?? I guess that's the case for me. Ecxcept for right now. I have absolutely nothing to do for another hour i guess until i meet Ying at Dilworths :-) So i figured why not set a good example and post on my little old blog :-D

Well lately i've been thinking about how much i have to be thankful for. But, i haven't listed everything recently - i think that would be a good idea, even though i did this on thanksgiving. I've said a lot of these, so i'll just keep each item short and sweet.

God!

my wonderful family.

my dear, dear friends!

a car with gas in it :-)

my licence :-) I love that freedom...

coffee at dillworths, and that amazing carrot-raison muffin :-D

the AWAKE MUSIC PROJECT!!!

youth group :-)

new friends

tennis! And in-depth sweet conversations while nailing tennis balls into the netting :-)

facebook! and the ability to know when to get off :-)

my beater of an acoustic guitar :-D :-D that beautiful piece of junk has seen so much use and abuse =P

my amazing amazing electric guitar! I just don't feel like me without it slung around my neck :-)

frisbee! Otherwise known as an excuse to get a bunch of friends together =P

Purevolume, Myspace, and Facebook fan pages, where AMP can be heard and get advertised for free!!

the excitement of playing live shows, and getting ready for the next one :-)

audio engineering class :-)

lunch with Zach each thursday at Bojangles!!

my internship with engineer Robert McClure, one of the elite audio engineers in the south :-)

Thursday worship practice, and the ability to run the sound board :-)

church sunday morning!

sweet sweet songs like Captivated by Vicky Beeching, which i'm listening to right now :-)

little things, like the feeling of sitting inside playing guitar on a rainy day

my phone, which has been extablished as the thing i can't live without, and my computer!

the amazing shows on Fox, which have provided many enjoyable times with my dad and just by myself on a late night.

band meetings in the sweigart's basement :-)

AMP general meetings in the Davis's creepy basement =P

My voice! I'm so happy that i can sing well :-) (and just a tip - NEVER tell me to be quiet while i'm singing well - you wanna see me mad?? Just try that. C'mon. Try it.)

Singing and playing guitar with you girls :-) It's so wonderful to hear yall sing - i don't think i tell you that enough :-)

Being totally crazy at Youth Group and getting away with it =P =P (Like chasing Josiah through the parking lot yelling like a 5 year old!! =P)

The peace only found through God. Nothing like it, yall :-)

Praying with friends, and enjoying true fellowship as we ponder the awesomeness of God.

The ability to enjoy music, especially that played by friends.

That creative spark that happens when experienced, talented musicians get together to play music, and the wonderfylly humbling opportunity i have to channel that into something truly inspirational and wonderful!

so, so much more...

and...

all the sweet sweet times with you wonderful friends... This is probably the most amazing blessing God has allowed me to enjoy. I love each and every one of you and the times we've shared. What a humbling joy to be able to share our lives with each other, for as short or as long as God allows it. Whenever i think of you friends i'm close to now i'm filled with such joy. And also what a deep sadness i feel as i think of you dear dear friends who i've lost over the years due to my own selfishness and pride.... i'm still bitterly angry with some of you for so many things... and most of them are all my fault. I've been thinking about this so much lately. I'm on the road a lot, and so sometimes i'll just turn off the music, roll up the windows, and sit in silence for a while. I miss you so much... But i praise God for bringing dear friends in my life to help me bear this, and i'm so happy to be able to share everything with you... So many of those things up there, like Dillworths, Bojangles, and tennis, i'm thankful for because of those opportunities to share life with you. What wonderful friends you are.

One last thing, i've been listening to this song a lot lately, and i think Emily said that it was the prayer of her life. Well, it's mine too, especially this line...

"May my life be one unbroken gaze, fixed upon the beauty of Your face!"

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flyby

2009-04-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

wow i haven't posted in forever - life's been so busy!! The Awake Music Project has been extremely time-consuming, which has been great!! But that combined with college and life makes me have almost no time for this blog. In fact i'm running out the door as we speak (well i'm not running out the door yet, that would be difficult to type while doing) and so i gotta rap this up yo. I LOVED the art festival, so much talent was represented by so many of the kids!!! I'm seeing some future AMP members among some of them :-) Annnnd - i'm so proud of my band!!! AMP delivered a flawless performance thanks to the creativity and musical genius of the band!! Love you guys :-D Well i want to post more about the festival later, because it was so inspiring!! And i want to talk about a few that i was absolutely amazed by... but not now. I've really gotta GO!! AMP meeting all day tomorrow, and then YOUTH GROUP!!! Love yall, seeya :-D

2009-04-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

See you there..! :-)

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Nervous Breakdown.

2009-03-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

I've been blocking. I figured it out. I've been so much wanting my life to be good now that i convinced myself that it is. Hey guess what it's not. And it all hit me tonight... I don't know if anybody noticed at youth group tonight, especially towards the end.... all i wanted to do was talk to friends, and laugh. But hey... i had to set up chairs, along with 30 other guys, after working my butt off this morning setting up the ENTIRE special events room, completely resetting the stage, vacuuming, setting up all the chairs in the room, basically rebuilding the entire room, with absolutely NO help from anyone aside from Janelle and Taylor. And that's not to mention that just Janelle, my Dad and i took 5 hours setting up the entire room last night for the performance today. Yeah. So... i wasn't too happy with being FORCED to do even more. And after the day i had..... Not that i didn't want to work, it's just that i was physically unable to. My feet were killing me and i needed to sit down. But nooooo... After the performance i had to drive down to Pineville to drop my dad off where his truck was, and then drive back, in the pouring down rain, in South Tryon traffic. It made me a nervous wreck by the time i got home, and then i found out my Excel test was due that night. I thought it was a check yes or no style test, but it was a LAB!! An Excel Formulas lab!!! So instead of resting like i should have, i had to work my butt off as soon as i got home. Youth group was a lot of fun, but it ended way too soon. And right then i needed friends. Some other news hit me hard that i found out while on the road... some of you know what i mean, i can't really share it here.. but it hit me so hard and i don't know what to do... well i tried to talk to Wesley about it afterwards, but we got YELLED AT because we were TALKING!! I was so furious and at the edge about everything that i had to go somewhere or i was going to absolutely lose it right there... i went in the storage closet, and i am do so glad no one saw me and told me to go back out there.... i don't know what i would have done...... I just need so much prayer, guys.....

*Saturday*
Well things are a little better today than they were yesterday. I was blessed by my cell phone company, who gave me an entire month of service ($50 worth!!) totally FREE since they messed up my phone shipment. This could NOT have come at a better time!! And now i'm getting ready to head to someone's house to pick up a check for $25 as well, which is also much needed. And i'm stil going to the studio sometime this afternoon, and i'm trying to go to the PFO songwriter's concert. So today should be a better day. I still need prayer yall, i can't go into specifics here, but i would really ask that yall remember me in your time with the Lord. Thank yall so much, i'm so blessed to have all of you wonderful friends. :-)

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101th

2009-03-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Woweee i haven't posted in a while. I just realized i missed my 100th post. So i guess i'll celebrate my 101th post. Here goes.

WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!

Ok that's that then. Anyway. I've been superdeeduperly busy this past week :-) I love being busy. I've been driving like 80% of the time, i'm pretty much always on the road now :-) It is completely amazing - after waiting over a year and a half longer to get my licence than anyone else to get it, now that i finally have it, it's a completely wonderful feeling. I've been able to hang out with people i havent seen in a while, like my friend Aaron T, and do things that i otherwise wouldn't have been able to. Last night i went to Evergreen youth group at branch family, and they asked me to run sound for them, which was amazing. I didn't know the board at all, but i was able to hit it running and i think i did a great job :-D The past few days have been awesome - my life is really going great. I am so thankful, things have been totally turned around from what they were several months ago. The night is darkest just before dawn, i guess. Well more about that later - i'm in Central's PC lab right now, and i've got more quizes to do before meeting Zach at Bojangles. I'm soooo excited about the weekend, tonight i'm going to set up Project 149's dance performance with Janelle, tomorrow morning i have something amazing that i forgot, tomorrow night is YOUTH GROUP!!!!!! And Saturday i'm going to the studio with Beyonce's producer to play around with all the equipment, and then i'm going to the Playing for Others songwriting competition performance :-D Sunday i'll probably be going to the mall with Janelle, Megan, and Kelley. Ok now that i've rambled and randomly read you my calender i'm gonna sign off. Sorry for the worthless post - hey, at least i'm posting again =P

oh and again:

WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

^ I figured i'd celebrate a little more.

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2009-03-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

2009-03-20T20:05:00.002-07:00

FINALLLLLY

2009-03-20T20:05:00.001-07:00

GOT

2009-03-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

2009-03-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!

:-D

2009-03-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

How about this weather you guys. It is truly amazing. It reminds me of St Pete Florida in the early spring, or the Blue Ridge in the summer :-) Today i'm going back to Davidson with Chad to that little pawnshop to pick up that guitar. Mmm baby that is one sweet guitar. Who knows what else we'll come back with.... After that, there is a chance i might be going to Chad's youth group, which will be incredibly awesome too :-D So today's shaping up nicely. And i'm listening to Chris Thile's mandolin playing. That just makes me happy in and of itself! Well i got work to do.... pictures later hopefully :-D

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I <3 Davidson

2009-03-10T19:22:00.001-07:00

Just sayin. I went down there earlier tonight with Chad and just walked around right at dusk. Oh. My. Gosh. It is soooooo nice there!!! I felt like i was on vacation. The sun was going down, and the sunset was casting everything in a weird, creepy light, and since the buildings there are strung out in a strange manner like something from the early 1700's, it gave everything a strange, other world type appearance. The buildings and little shops there are so old, more than 200 years some of them. And there was NO ONE there!! The streets were almost entirely empty... it was all just... creepy =P But beautiful. I am going back as soon as i possibly can, which is HOPEFULLY tomorrow, and DEFINITELY sunday :-D As we were leaving we passed by this tiny pawnshop in a very quiet alley that looked like no one had been in for a hundred years... the buildings were all vacant and rickety beside it, but the shop was in business, and had SO many amazing things inside... it was already closed though. But. OH MY GOSH we saw the most AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING Gibson guitar looking in the window... for $200!!!! It's worth thousands........ we're going back to pick it up tomorrow if possible. :-D But i gtg now.... so much more happened today, but i'll talk about that later. Peace yall.

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Bob Band's Terribly Tragic Awful Story

2009-03-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking back to Sunday, and how yall wouldn't let me finish telling about the signing process and what REALLY goes on behind the scenes with recording contracts. Well, now, guess what? I have a captive audience. You could flip away from my blog, or skip this part, but you love me too much to do that. And this way, writing about it, i don't run the risk of being whacked by a bible (the Sword of the Spirit) or drowned out by Melly telling me to "Shut UP!" First off though, i want to certify what i'm about to say by first saying: I've practically grown up in the music industry. My mom has a degree in broadcasting and recording technology, my dad toured with several great Christian artists, and they were both DJs and reporters with many connections on the inside, my mom even being part of a band, Higher Power, which was in the process of being signed, and which was destroyed by the very contract which was written to boost them more into the spotlight. All through my family there are producers, engineers, and i've learned much of the business from them. I think i'm qualified to share about the process, just sayin =P NOW i want to also say i am NOT sticking up for the Jo Bros here. i HATE them. I would love to have their marketing agent, but that's beside the point. All i was saying is that they might not be choosing what songs they sing or how they are billed as. You can't accuse someone of "selling out" When they're not the ones doing the trading!! This is how it usually works, and as i don't know the story behind the Jonas Brothers, i am assuming it is the same for them, because this is just how the industry works. Here's the process... some garage band, lets call them Bob's Band, gets their first big break. Billy Joe's Indipendent Label signs them on! They produce their first little record in Billy's project studio, and Billy Joe's label then takes the album to his contact at say Big Bad Studio. Well Bobby's band doesn't like what Big Bad Studio would make them do, even though this will boost them to national fame. Oh wait - too bad! Bobby's band signed a contract with Billy Joe which stipulates that Billy Joe can sell them to whoever he likes... Well now hey Bob's band is now signed on a huge label, but they have been forced to sign a contract... well now they are a national sensation, but hey Bob can't write songs that say "God" or "Jesus" in them because the record company doesn't like it... and Bob can't do a thing about it until his contract runs out. And let me tell you, you NEVER want to disolve or break your contract. They will ruin you, and you will be DONE in the industry. Instead of singing the lines to your hit song in front of 100,000 people you'll be singing the McDonald's theme song as you say "Do you want fries with that?" Now... this is an extreme example, and usually it's not this drastic. But the industry is cutthoat - it thrives off of people's greed. They'll love you as long as you make them money. That's just the cold reality of it...

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///////

2009-03-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

I should just keep my petty problems to myself and not bother those that are going through real problems right now... i can be so selfish and inconsiderate. Hopefully i can make it right later on tonight....

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You know,

2009-03-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

i have been wanting to post a very profound post, which i haven't done in a while. Yeah i know, i'm a slackard. But i'm sooo tired right now and i feel nasty... i got in a bunch of dust and kerosene yesterday at the Merch Mart where i put in almost 10 hours worth of manual labor lol... my throat is sore, i feel achy, and i think i might have a fever :-/ Oh well, i'm pretty happy over all. I just got back from a loooooong day of driving with Wesley, which was pretty amazing :-D We went to Sam Ash and pretty much decided on a mixing board :-) But he already posted about it. I'm super excited about it. We spent hours at Sam Ash today, playing with all the equipment, software, mixers, outboard gear, guitars, basses, and everything else. I found it funny that Wes kept getting mad at me for touching all the knobs and fiddling with the controls of most of the gear, and i got mad at him for touching and fiddling with all the high-end guitars and basses =P I guess we each have our pet peeves when it comes to engineering haha. Well i don't want to ramble like i did in my other post so i'm just gonna quit talking haha. Besides i gotta leave here in a minute to drive my folks to see some friends of our's brand new baby at Presby :-) That's going to be joyful i know. I'm not actually going to see the kid, because i have a suspicion i'm getting sick... idk. Well i'm gonna shuddup now.

Oh. One more thing - this is my 90th post, and when i reach 100, i'm gonna have a celebration. Well not really. But i'm gonna try to post my 100th post on the day i get my license the tuesday after next :-) Yay me!! Ok NOW i'm gonna shut up.

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Amazing.

2009-03-02T16:27:00.000-08:00

Yes, yesterday was da bomb. I went to church, and that was amazing! It was the first time i've been upstairs for the whole service in probably a few months, and i really loved it :-D We honored Pastor C for his years of service, which i thought was totally appropriate :-D Thanks Pastor C!!!! After church i had a worship leader's luncheon. That was brutal, because David and Mike kept saying things that would make Megan, Keri, and i burst out laughing - and of course we couldn't do that, it was a serious meeting 0.o So we suffered through it =P Sad, sad news afterwards though - my team is being split up!!!! No longer will Keri, Megan and i lead together - Megan and i are still leading together, but Keri was moved to another team :'( :'( That makes me really sad, we've had some good times... But our main purpose is leading the kids, anyway, not just having fun. I promised myself that the three of us would get together sometime to hang out again though :-D I am looking forward to the new way of worship leading - it's going to be interesting and good. Anyhow, back to my day... after the meeting Megan and i had to run ALLLLLLLLLL the way across the parking lot in the POURING rain!!!! And of course she was parked the furthest away from the building, and it was raining harder than ever... we were totally completely soaked by the time we got to her car!! I bet we looked hilarious though - both of us running full-tilt across the parking lot with our hoods up yelling and screaming continually =P that was a ton of fun. At the mall we met Morgan and Garret there, and Chad and JP joined us a little later. We TRIED to do a scavenger hunt. We had some amazing ideas, but ended up only doing a couple of them =P It was a blast writing them and hanging out though. We had to leave to meet Janelle and Mark at Starbucks, and so we just kinda sat there for a while and relaxed which was nice. Mark and G had to leave, and apparently Janelle got bored, because she got devious =P =P she said "why don't we go over to the mall and do some of the things on the list!!" And so we did.... and.... wow. That turned out amazing, but disturbing..... Before we even got there, Megan almost killed us driving me, Morgan, and Janelle back to the mall - she hit a puddle, and we hydroplaned... we all atarted yelling and i remember shouting "WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE" over and over until Megan threatened to kick me out of her car. Well we got there all in one piece surprisingly, and true to her promise Megan didn't kill any of us, though she threatened to a couple times. Especially when one of us insulted Edward or tried to hurt Emmett =P hahaha. So anyway at the mall we meet up with Chad and JP, and we start doing some of the list... first thing we did was go to the coldstone creamery where i ordered a large pepperoni. They promptly informed me that they didn't serve pizza and i said "Not even in SLICES?" Hahaha i walked away acting chagrined. =P Then JP pretended that he knew somebody but it turned out lame because the guy started to get mad so he backed out fast =P We did a few other random things, and then passed by the dress store... all i can say about that is Morgan saved my life there..... Thanks so much Morgan!!!! Afterwards we found out it had started sleeting, and we had to leave. Megan, Janelle, Morgan and i headed back to the car, and i felt so bad for disappointing Janelle that i wore some frilly pink butterfly wings Megan had in her car alll the way home. =P Well we got back to my house without any major incidents, except when we pulled around the circle Janelle started looking devious again and asked me if i would sing some Katy Pery... then she asked if anyone had a video camera 0.o hahaha i agreed, but only if they would sing and dance with me... well it had just started snowing, and of course the light in the car wasn't good enough, so we had to get out in the street to film it... so Megan, Janelle, and i danced and sang Hot n Cold in the snow while Morgan filmed... we were so freakin cold but it was amazing haha. After that, i went inside, and i guess they all got back home safe 0.o apparently they did... amazingly =P =P Well...... that was my day =P Interesting, wouldn't you say? And wow.... long post 0.o

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Snow?

2009-02-28T15:04:00.000-08:00

Apparently everyone else thinks so. I just got back from a very very packed Lowe's Foods where EVERYONE there had both bread and milk in their carts... typical Charlottean reaction =P I was laughing so hard... some people JUST had bread and milk... I can assure you though, i only bought pizza, six gallon bottles of juice, cheese, and eyehole screws. :-) I refuse to go with the flow. And i highly doubt we'll get snow anyway. I'm hoping we don't get snow. I have plans!!!! haha. But God doesn't wait on my own little plans does He? That's fine with me, i think it'll all turn out good. Right now i'm just relaxing, waiting for Chad to call so we can do something... what, i'm not really sure. =P It'll be amazing though i'm sure. I'm bored, and tired, and i want tomorrow to come fast...

And i just totally wasted your time =P

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...

2009-02-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

Ying, Emily, Wesley, yall please call me or something as soon as possible.... please.

hey look -

2009-02-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

- I'm happy now!!! All it took was one great conversatiom with one great friend :-D :-D :-D

I told you a happy post was coming later :-)

How's this for happy??

:-D

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Apathy Parade

2009-02-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

This is a first. I don't want to go to class today. I'm talking about my Audio Engineering class. Somebody check my temperature, get me to a hospital. I MUST be sick. I feel fine. But i just, don't, want to go! I don't want to do anything. I just want it to be tomorrow night. And then i want it to be 19 days from now. Because in 19 days i get my license. That's gonna be a great day. I'll be able to do so much more, get a job, drive friends places, not have to ask for rides, start construction on the studio, take wayyy more classes, go for spontaneous road trips, go to friend's houses, hang out with more people, meet folks for lunch, and so much more..... i've been counting down since 6 months ago... i'm so ready. If life had gone as expected i'd have already had it for a year and a half already... but it never goes right does it? That's life.

I'm sitting here very bored. I have homework to do. But who wants to do that? Yes i'm procrastinating. And talking in short sentences. Because i don't really want to talk to anybody right now. So i'm not saying much. I don't really know what's going on with me - i feel good, i have so much reason to be happy. But i'm not. I think it's just early. Once Zach comes back and we hit Bojangles i'm sure i'll be doing great, and i'll be happy in class when we FINALLY go to the studio (hopefully). After class i gotta rush home to drive my Mom all the way to the other side of Matthews for a docters appointment, and then tonight i hope i'm doing something amazing - i'll either try to go to frisbee or go to Ying's. Hopefully the latter - i want to chill with good friends.

I've decided to not have loud music tomorrow night. I'm sure that makes yall happy =P It's just too much, and it cuts down on fellowship. Some of yall will have to join me one time at the church just us where i'll boost the sound to 115db, and we'll REALLY rock out =P But... youth group is not the place for it. By the way, i am taking suggestions on the playlist. Anything Christian is fine. I put my foot down over mamby Christian music. That stuff makes me angry and i'm gonna stop talking about it because i'm already a little bit peeved for some reason already... Well i guess i have nothing else to say - happier post coming later :-D

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insert great title here

2009-02-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

Well i went almost nowhere today, i just stayed home and then went to the grocery store for a few minutes this evening. I think this is the first time i've pretty much stayed home in like weeks, if not months!! Usually my day consists of waking up, taking care of school and home stuff for a bit, then driving my Dad around wherever he needs to go, which usually takes us from the other side of Pineville all the way to Kannapolis, and everywhere in between, then coming back home and going to spend time with friends, going to church, or doing a variety of other random things haha. I've got class all day tomorrow, which i can't wait for, and then i have no clue what i'm doing tomorrow night - maybe going to Ying's? Hopefully :-) I don't know why i'm boring you with all this stuff, i just kinda feel like writing now. Problem is i have absolutely no clue what to write about!!

....

Oh - Youth group is friday!!! This is our all-game/hangout time, which is going to be amazing!! I'm thinking i'm going to have some wonderful conversations with all of my wonderful friends :-) This really makes me happy!!! I absolutely can't wait :-)

I wrote yet another song today.. haha no lyrics as of yet, i just wrote a guitar and piano verse which i think sounds incredible. I also wrote a chorus and prechorus, but i'm having trouble justifying the parts in one song. So i've just been looping the verse, and freestyling some lyrics. Problem is, i'm happy, which means i have nothing to write about =P I SO want to write about the amazing things of God, but i have absolutely no idea where to even start!! I can't pick just one topic, so my songs about Him always turn out to be "God, you're so wonderful, i love You, i praise You, i thank You, Yeah" haha =P Well i've just got to work on my communing with God, and, maybe, He'll give me the words to say.

You know, i've been reading some of yall's blogs about wanting to be more like Him, and i've really been meditating on that these past few days. See i have such a hunger and passion to be more like Jesus, and to let His light shine through me, but i have so much indwelling ongoing sin that sometimes i'm almost ashamed to call myself a Christian, because i'm so like the World- it's scary. But yet i know that through Him i can do so much for His kingdom, and i will NOT be bogged down in self-condemnation to where i am an ineffective servant!! I am going to press forward, seeking Him. Lord i want Your light to shine through me....

Well i guess i found stuff to write about =P

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yep.

2009-02-24T17:09:00.000-08:00

I feel kinda sad/happy right now. I'm not sure which. Maybe i should go ride a train like all southern songwriters do when they're sad... haha. There's just too much going on now to know... and i totally had a longer post to write but i don't feel like writing now... so i'll just correctly post that video. Thanks for telling me how, Emily, i would have probably written the embedding code by hand if you hadn't told me hahaha..

Other than that... i'll just end with a Skynyrd quote because it's just that awesome, and very relevent. (Emily if you don't know who Skynyrd is, we gotta talk =P)

"Tuesday's gone with the wind..."

the rest of the quote is relevent but i won't post it here......

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Welll...

2009-02-24T12:01:00.000-08:00

the last post was harsh. I was angry and not really watching what i was saying... i'm still very disappointed, but thanks to a dear friend i now know more about the reasons why.... Thanks again, friend.

I just have to share this with you.... hopefully you'll see why this teen girl named Maddie Shuler is my favorite vocalist of all time pretty much...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA4Vx3bkLqc&feature=channel

I have no idea how to post it in the blog itself... to my shame. No, Hayley, i am not all-knowing when it comes to this stuff =P

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..Ugh...

2009-02-23T19:12:00.000-08:00

I hate hypocrites. I am one myself. But. I just don't see how someone can have something happen to them. And then turn around and do the exact same thing that hurt them to someone else. And after we had so many conversations about it, too... Ugh it is so, so so disappointing. You think you know someone.... you never really know anybody..... the heart is so deceitful......

"All of us wear masks. They can be worn out of love and the desire to remain close to those around us, to spare them from the complicated reality of our frayed psyches. We trade honesty for companionship, and in the process never truly know the hearts closest to us."

- Sarah Conner (tv)

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Adam Middle Name Davis...!

2009-02-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

Dude i only got time for a real short post here but i wanted to say happy birthday Adam!! You are a strangely awesome (haha) guy and i haven't really had too much of a chance to get to know you but i really can say you're amazing. I think i can say that you and your brother are two of my favorite musicians - everything you write is so incredible and out of the box i listen to one of your pieces and am inspired for days aftrwards. Yall are totally what AMP needs!!! And dude we reallly need to hang out more often and like write music. Scheduling that is a MAJOR priority haha =P Man your enthusiasm for everything is so contagious - i can't help but be hyper and inspired every time we hang out/write music. I am so happy to call you a friend!!

Other than that, nothing else is going on - i went to the most INSANE little concert last night - Becoming the Archetype headlined, along with Bloodline Severed, Onward Olympus, Rest Assured, and a couple other bands i forgot the name of haha =P Onward Olympus's guitarist is my guitar hero now - he was absolutely incredible, best guitarist i've ever seen!!!! He had MAD skill. His 17 year old sister kept talking to me which was cool because it made the other guys jealous =P Hahaha jkkkk... I even got to ave a conversation with him at the end of the concert!! And.... everybody was incredible. I was amazed at how much i enjoyed a screamo concert, but it was sooooooooo much fun, by far the best show i've ever been to. And i've been to some great ones =P Well i'll post later maybe about how i saved Count Seth's Mic, how loud it was there, the talent of the bands, the booing and hissing (haha) and everything else amazzzzing that happened :-D But i gotta go now......

oh yeah...

1
2
3
HONEYBEAR!!!!!!

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Another long post (maybe)

2009-02-19T09:06:00.000-08:00

What is up yall. I think it's time for my weekly long post, because here in Central's lab there's really not all that much to do, and i've done all my homework i can do. So... that means i'm here until Zach's done. May as well make the most of it! i think I'll start off by posting a couple thing's i've learned the last few days...

1: I HATE HATE HATE HATE 703 SOUNDPROOFING INUSLATION!!!!!!!!!! IT IS EVIL!!!!!

2: I found out my car does'nt like to stop too much 0.o

3: I've learned that talking to a great friend can do wonders for helping forget about pain

4: i found out how early Wesley really goes to bed =P

5: i learned that America can be SO SO SO stupid!!!! YOU LET ANOOP DOG GO!!!! NOOOO

6: I found out things still haven't changed in a certain situation.

7: I can splice video very well =P

8: I can drive for days straight pretty much all over NC without getting tired!

9: I HATTTTTTEEEEEE INSULATION!!!!!!!!!!

10: I found out Zach's waiting for me, so this post won't be very long after all haha

^ there ya go - i gotta run. Peace yall

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T.W.S.S. =P =P

2009-02-15T17:31:00.001-08:00

I wish i could share the best part of my day today. But i can't. It was amazing though, and i laughed so hard almost solid that whole time - i couldn't even breathe haha! It still hurts to smile 0.o Wow today was certainly amazing... and of course yesterday was, and friday, and thursday, too =D I don't feel like sharing what i did, cuz there's just so much... I laughed more this weekend than i have in a good long while... i spent it with some amazing amazing amazing friends, like Wes, Adam, Matt, Christianne, Emily, Anna, Kelley, Megan, Zach, Keri, Chad, Hayley (virtually), and of course all of you dear friends i saw at church and youth group today and friday =D Now i've got to go get my hair just right (Hahaha Adam) because me and Sam S are gonna make a late-night delivery of a truckload of 703 soundproofing insulation to Wesley's =D That's gonna be crazyyy fun. And tomorrow, Hayley, maybe i'll see you???? Hopefully!!!!! Well i better go do that then. Longer post coming later maybe... haha.

Oh and by the way - wasn't the 808 absolutely killer at youth group friday, yall? I boosted it to the threshold of feeling, so we got some massive bass response =D =D Oh yesssss...

Oh and for Megan and Kelley....

That's what SHE SAID!! Hahahahahaha

I know i'm driving yall crazy with this

2009-02-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

But i love audio engineering. =P

__

Whoa.

2009-02-08T19:37:00.001-08:00

here's a llama
there's a llama
and another little llama
fuzzy llama
funny llama
llama llama
duck

llama llama
cheesecake llama
tablet
brick
potato
llama
llama llama
mushroom
llama
llama llama
duck

i was once a treehouse
i lived in a cake
but i never saw the way
the orange slayed the rake
i was only three years dead
but it told a tale
and now listen, little child
to the safety rail

half a llama
twice the llama
not a llama
farmer
llama
llama in a car
alarm a llama
llama
duck

is THIS how it's told now?
is it all so old?
is it made of lemon juice?
doorknob
ankle
cold
now my song is getting thin
i've run out of luck
time for me to retire now
and become a duck
Emu.

EDIT: That's for you, Emily =P

---------

I can bet you didn't see that coming. =P

___

I have no clue

2009-02-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

But i want to post. This is going to be a total waste of your time reading this, as it is mine in writing. Oh well here goes anyway...

Life hasn't slowed down. it just keeps coming at me faster than before... good and bad... i can't really tell which is more - the good or the bad. When i look at all the bad, i get overwhelmed. Yet, when i look at the good, i'm equally overwhelmed. Right now i'm just trying to get my life in order and fulfill my responsibilities. But... i've got so much going on and getting worked out for me it's hard just to stay sane sometimes... but here i go, pressing on. Everything going on -from studio construction to high school, from intensive job searching to Audio Engineering class, from family matters to friend's troubles, from personal trials and private problems to many many errands, and anywhere and everwhere in between- seems to hit me at various times, spontaneously and rapidly. So much is good, so much is bad, but one thing i know is, it's certainly been and is definitely going to be.. interesting. Lord knows what He has for me - he just seems to tell me all of a sudden. My only option is to trust in what He has for me.

One other thing that's been happening - i'm feeling like God is starting to show me His long term plan in my life. He's withholding the short term, but i keep getting glimpses of what i believe is the long-term Big Picture for me... I seem to be noticing that one of my passions, and what i thought i would be doing for the rest of my life, Graphic Design, is not working out - every single time i try to pursue that career path, in the classes that i take, in the jobs i apply for, in almost every conceivable way relating to it, i find a closed door. On the other hand... for the past years i've had an interest in audio engineering, music production, acoustics engineering, and sound recording. Never really more than an interest, though. This was what both of my parent's had for careers. No offense to them, but i had no interest in following in their footsteps. Well with the advent of the Awake Project, i discovered that i needed to know a LOT more about audio engineering... Well then... doors started opening for me. I got into the best class i have ever had the privelege to be in - Audio Engineering 1 at Central Campus. I discovered a deep love for everything related to this field!! I don't think i've ever been excited about anything as much as i am now for this field... I have an idea it's not going to fade away, either. Since i started this semester i have seen so many doors open relating to this, concerning the Awake Project (I believe Matt, Adam, and especially Wesley will attest to this) concerning my own personal musical ventures, concerning job choice, concerning personal connections, and concerning a thousand other things related to this field. For the first time i believe i'm getting a life plan, one that will actually allow me to do something good for the Lord, and one that will put bread on the table for my family. I'm really seeing God's hand in this. I just thought i'd share that with yall :-)

Well this post actually turned out to be worthwhile, at least for me. =P

--

Fade away...

2009-02-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

I see her face in the crowd as she turns away
Across the room, veiled in shades of grey
As time slows down, i'm wondering
Of chances gone and faded smiles
Lost in the silence of a thousand words
caught in the stillness of so much to say
my mind goes back to how we felt that day
I see you laugh then watch you fade away

Time ticks by
Going nowhere fast
Our lives are lived but the dreams have passed
Things aint changed but we keep holding on
to what we wished were true
And after all we say and do
We're still going nowhere fast

I see her face in the crowd as I turn away...

That's a new song i'm writing. I'm working on recording a demo right now... the guitar is so mournful, the melody alone would make you cry... i wrote this several days ago... let me know if you like it

__

Blueprints and things of that nature

2009-01-31T14:18:00.000-08:00

--
Well that's it. The first design =D It will certainly be changed. But. I thought i'd let yall see what i thought up =P

Oh - there's the blueprint.

And.

"Things of that nature"

Now the title makes sense.

=P

Ohhh... by the way - click on the image to expand it. And i mean REALLLY expand it. =P

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Skylines

2009-01-29T08:03:00.000-08:00

I wrote this yesterday, couldn't post it till now....

You know what i owe yall a long post. I'm sitting here in a slightly uncomfortable office chair in Central's computer lab being bored and listening to Taylor Swift on my walkman. I just realized a few minutes ago something amazing - when i look up, right in front of me is an enormous plate glass window looking out on the most incredible view of the Charlotte city skyline i have ever seen, even in a photograph. I mean it is beautiful. I love the bright blue sky... it's kinda noisy/quiet in here... Kinda nice though. I'm waiting for Zach to finish his math class so we can head across the street to Audio Engineering :-D It's syllabus day so that means we'll be sitting in the classroom just reading out of the book and listening to Rich teach but hey it's still gonna be incredible :-D I absolutely can't wait.

On a different note - the recording studio!!!!! Wes is clearing out some space right now down in his basement, which is where we'll be constructing it. I'm trying to figure out how the walls will be constructed - we don't want to build full plastered walls but at the same time we need them to be sturdy and soundproof dividers... Next few days we'll be transporting the special fiberglass soundproofing insulation to the basement and then taping the area off i guess. Once we figure out the walls and draw a blueprint, we'll start construction. After the walls are built, we'll double-insulate them. We plan to build two rooms, one a "live" room where the recording will take place, the place where the mics and stuff go, and then the other will be the "control" room where we'll house the computers, mixing equipment, sound boards, and speakers, along with about 200 other pieces of equipment =P Wes i've been getting so many ideas for the studio just typing this.... can't wait to go over there and map it all out!! Basically that's the plan, it'll be added to as we go along... we hope to have this studio as a place to experiment and record demos for AMP so when we go to the big studio we'll be prepared. We'll keep yall updated and we'll have pictures coming soon (i hope!!)

For all of you who have been praying for my dad, a little quick update: He's home from the hospital and he's doing great!! His doctor decided just to do a partial knee replacement on the right knee, and we hear the surgery couldn't have gone more perfectly. He's at home watching tv and napping and hobbling around with his walker. He's still in pain, but we expected that. Thank you all for praying! You guys are amazzzing.

Well how bout i talk generally about life for a minute... i think it's all gonna work out. So much going on, but it's gonna be fine. Iv'e started keeping a list of my current problems and my current assets (for lack of a better word) and good things in my life. I was amazed to find out, that even though the list was long with my current problems, the good things list was much longer!! That is a reason to praise God. And also, half the "bad things" are actually being worked out to be "good things" so right now i'm just not worried. Sure life is hard, real hard. But i think with God most importantly, and with you my amazing friends, i'll get through. That's all i've really got to say right now...

____

OMG OMG OMG OMG

2009-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

I AM SO PSYCHED!!!!!!!!! WESLEY MY FRIEND I CANNOT WAIT TO START CONSTRUCTION!!!!!! OMGGGGGG!!!!!!!

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Happy :-)

2009-01-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

One amazing thing - i just noticed that a lot of my friends have blog posts that have "happiness" in the title. This is great - i love when my friends are happy :-) And right now i am too. Like seriously happy =P For some reason it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though it really hasn't. I realized what it is - i HAVE lost the weight. My amazing friends are helping me carry it!! I have been in almost constant contact with several of you today, and i've shared almost everything i'm going through to you. I know you're praying for me, and that you have my back :-) I can't tell you how happy that makes me!!! And i am so excited about tomorrow, i get to see the ones i haven't talked to today, and share some good conversations with them too. Today has been so hard, but it's been incredibly amazing because you guys have been there for me. All i can say really is THANK YOU!!! Especially Ying-Wai, Zach, Wesley, Emily, Chelsea, and Bethany. You guys are so much more than i can ask for, and just being there for me today has been more than awesome. I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow, and enjoying special times. :-)

Oh and thanks to Zach for showing me The Receiving End of Sirens!!!!!! That band is like all my favorite bands wrapped up in one!!!! Wesley, look them up on playlist, and listen to Pale Blue Dot and The Phililogical Arm. Amazingness :-)

Oh and just for the heck of it, cuz i'm so happy:

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

___

Oh and Ying-Wai: Just, thank you. You are absolutely amazing :-D Thanks for listening while i ranted about several things earlier and for encouraging me and sharing my burdens :-) I hope i'll see you tomorrow, good friend!!!!!! :-)

___

StucK

2009-01-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

I wrote this on Sunday,i thought i'd post it, nothing's changed. Well a lot has, actually, but this is still mostly relevant...

Sunday, Jan 18th
I just realized i haven't posted in a while. I've written, i just haven't posted. I think i should write something that would be interesting and that is OK for me to post as well... a lot of my writing this week hasn't been either. Last time i posted was January 6th. A lot has changed since then!! I turned seventeen!!!! Yay me!!! And a lot of other things happened that would not be appropriate to discuss here.... CP classes started!!! I'm taking Career Assessment, Intro to Computers, and Audio Engineering ! (!!!!!) I had to drop ASL 1 and ASL 1 lab because of a couple reasons, mainly lack of ride to campus =P Those are the two biggest things that happened, there have been two million other little things going on but... if you are who i think you are that's reading this you probably know about all that anyway... but i'll just say these last two weeks have been like a roller coaster ride. This whole year has really. Anyways - today was something el

----

Monday, Jan 20th
Hello again. haha at that point yesterday i stopped writing - i think i got a text or something. Well anyway as i was saying: yesterday was somethin else. I led Kid's worship again with Keri and Megan :-) I love when i get to do that. It really drains me physically and emotionally because i give everything i've got to those kids... but i love it. I didn't get to see too many people after church, i got into a very in-depth conversation after worship... then i got upstairs and figured out lunch plans and left pretty much right away - that was a little disappointing, but lunch was great!! Wes, Garrett, and i went to CiCi's pizza along with some younger teens... thankfully we sat far enough away where we could have some good conversation, but close enough where we could enjoy their antics =P After lunch we all went to Frisbee, but it died almost instantly :-/ So Wes and i went to Dillworth's Coffee and had an absolutely absolutely amazing conversation!! Then we went back to my house and wrote music for a while. The evening was deceptively quiet - i just relaxed and talked to friends online. So the weekend was great, especially Sunday. I hope yall's weekend was great too!

____

My life is like a bad country song.

2009-01-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

But i'm happy :-) Seriously. Happy :-)

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Whaddyouthink

2009-01-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of going private with this blog, just letting my good friends read this... i think that's everybody that reads this anyway haha. Then i can be less cryptic and actually let yall know what's really going on in my life. Thoughts on this?

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S&K

2009-01-19T13:59:00.000-08:00

Life, my friends. It comes on fast and furious - good, bad and everywhere in between. I had the craziest day yesterday..... i'll post more about it later..... Ahhh. life.....

___

Just amazing

2009-01-12T15:24:00.000-08:00

Well it's 2:45 AM, i've been up and gone for over 20 hours straight now, i need sleep. But i HAVE to write first!! Today was incredible. I had so much fun with everybody today, i don't want it to end!! I'm sad now because of that and some other things... But yeah thank you all my amazing friends who were able to come to lunch today, and for making the concert awesome :-D And for all my amazing friends who couldn't come today, like i promised, we'll do something absolutely amazing very, very soon. As soon as possible if i can help it. Well yeah you guys (and girls!) made my birthday really amazing :-D Heck i even enjoyed standing in line for 2 hours because yall were there!! Oh and sorry the pizza kinda sucked. =P Well i'm saying well a lot now, which means i'm wayyy too tired to be writing this! But - yall are amazing. Seriously. :-D goodnight everyone!!

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This Unopened Letter

2009-01-06T15:03:00.000-08:00

i'm sad right now, for several reasons... i can't really talk about them, except to say they've really got me down... i'm like this constantly now. Maybe i just need to get a grip and snap out of it. But at the same time i've been writing some great lyrics recently because of it... I don't think i've told anybody except for one amazing person what's really been going on. Please please don't ask what's wrong. I can't say, it's too real right now. Well i will post some of my latest lyrics relating to this... it's from a song i'm working on called "This Unopened Letter".

-------------------------------
verse 1
I stayed up half the night
Writing a letter that you would never read
All my heart exposed
In words and letters left untold
I wrote about
how it used to be
the way you smiled
the way we talked and laughed
you know i really miss those times
and its got me wondering...

chorus
Will we find a way
to see it through today?
Can we go back again
to the way things were back then
or have we seen the day
has this all faded away?
Am i left with empty words
In this unopened letter?

© 2009 Nate Dowdy

---------------------------------------

Well that's all i can post now. You'll get the full version once i edit it and record the second demo. Thoughts?

____

...weary...

2009-01-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

I want to post, but i don't want to talk or type. i'm just weary. And i don't know why or what to do... i just want to sit here for days. Maybe i'll watch tv. I don't know guys. it's work to lift my fingers to the keys. i've listened to Last Call by Lee Ann Womack about 50 times in a row and counting. I can't relate at all to the song itself, but i totally relate to the feel of it, sweet and sad. Well that's it i guess.

_____

2009-01-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

From last Sunday...

Quietly happy. That's me right now. I'm reflecting on all my numerous blessings after returning home from a very full, rich day with good friends and family. Let me just say - driving through the country at 10pm listening to country music down low while having a deep conversation with dear friends in the car with you, the only light coming from the glowing radio dials and the two headlights on the dark empty highway ahead is truly wonderful. I learned some very amazing facts this evening that has me thinking... Hmm it's amazing how, after years apart, two people can feel the same way as each other and say the exact same things as each other- only God could have sustained that... I'm happy and yet sad about this... so happy for friends, yet sad the same couldn't have happened years ago for me and... well... well my friends, i had a full day. I want to write more but, there's so much to say. Life is amazing, you know that? And Steak n' Shake. And homemade pizza. And three hour drives through the country. And Christmas lights. And guitars, and a song played, and a song remembered. Dr. Pepper, all you can drink. Halo 1 and 2. Starbucks that closes before 10:30 pm. Country music. Dear friends. Long stories. Resolution. Good conversations. Bittersweet memories remembered. Life. This is it. I'm gonna go think some more, and get some sleep.

Stay the course, yall. Stay the course.

I saw you today, Meagan. We stood next to each other and talked to the same person. Without talking to each other. It's so awkward now, so many walls. I wish i had heeded my own advice i give now. I did not stay the course. God don't let this happen anymore, not to me again, not to her again, not to anyone close, not again. Guys - Stay the course - Wait.

_______________

Oh well, i'll just do this now =P (EDITED)

2009-01-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

EDIT: Agh!!! I forgot Hayley!!! How could i do that??? Well i'll edit this...

Well you know that "R" thing didn't work out too well - i've been wayyyy too busy to type the posts i wrote for it - so i'll revisit it soon if i can =P But yeah. I'll post my resolutions real quick, and elaborate on them in a "R" post in a bit.

My first resolution is: i want to be entirely self-supporting by the end of the year. I've talked with my folks in detail about this, and we've decided the best thing to do for my character is to just plunge all the way in with responsibility. So, this semester i'll be taking a full load of college classes, i'll be getting my little pickup truck, and i'll be going to work full-time, probably at Outback, Chilli's, or Starbucks. I'm still deciding =P But one way or the other it's going to be worked out where i can pay my own way through college, pay all my own bills, and possibly save up enough for a small apartment in the near future. I think working towards these goals will shape my character, and help me become a man. We'll see how this works out =P

Next: I really want to draw closer to God this year. These days i feel like a Christian in name only, and i'm ready to buckle down and seriously work on being more godly. Thanks to all my amazing friends who encourage me in this! I pray this coming year will be one of much fruitful growth.

I really want to draw closer to a smaller group of friends, and stop pouring so much time and energy into just making myself more popular.

This year i'm going to be working on developing my music and lyric writing skills. I want to progress as a songwriter, for a number of reasons - to glorify God, to encourage friends, to express my feelings, and be creative, along with other reasons.

I haven't drawn in THREE YEARS!! 0.o That is absolutely shocking, and completely unnacceptable. This year i am going to draw at least 4 drawings if i can.

I want to get better at being organized, and prioritizing. I want to get my life in order!! It's really hectic, and i need to step up and get organized, so i can prioritize my time, grow in self-discipline, and lead myself and others.

That's pretty much it, there are a million smaller things but pretty much my main one is: proggressing and growing towards being a man. That is what i aim for. :-)

---------------------------

Now... my friends. I am almost speechless when i think about what a tremendous blessing yall have been in my life!! In particular...

Wesley. What a dear friend you have been to me! Always willing to talk when i want to, and sometimes, when i don't, but i need it! =P You have helped me through so much, most especially helping me and encouraging me in my music :-) You don't know how much that alone has done for me. Thanks buddy :-)

Brandon. I can literally tell you anything! You're always extremely understanding and you never judge me even when i tell you what i REALLY feel, and when you see me as i really am. We've had some amazing times together, from almost getting arrested, to recording in the studio, to getting lost sooo many times with you and BJ =P You are an incredible blessing to me, and your wise advice has gotten me out of so many problems!

Bethany. So many times in our conversations i've laughed till i've cried almost! You are great to talk to and you me and Brandon have had some great times =D We all certainly are the three stooges! =P You're such a great friend, and you really have no idea how much i enjoy hearing you sing =P You've had to go through so much this year, but you've stayed strong. You're such an encouragement to me and the rest of us!

Yingy. =P Wow you are amazing! I don't know how much you've cost me in texting bills, but it's all been worth it =P You are absolutely hilarious and i've been bodily injured more than once from falling out of my chair laughing uncontrollably at something you said! =P You're a great friend and have been there for me more than once, especially here recently. Thank you :-D

Zach. You my friend are amazing. So many times you've had my back. We've pretty much grown up together, and you remember and know stuff that no one else will ever know! I think you know me better than i know myself! =P

Chad. Duuuude!!! I don't know what i'd do without your amazing stories! You are certifiably insane and you always have the craziest most incredible ideas! Who else would think of inviting ourselves along to eat dinner with the entire V and JV girl volleyball teams, rolling a big screen tv down a hill, breaking in to your OWN HOUSE at 3 am, or anything else your crazy mind comes up with that always ends up with us getting in sooo much trouble but loving every second of it? Man, we need to hang out again!!! I've learned so much from your relationship sagas as well that i don't think i would learn anywhere else! And thanks to you i don't think i'm a sheltered homeschooler anymore =P (Is that a good thing?)

Sammyyyy! You are the most amazing 13 year old there like ever was!! I definitely consider you to be one of my best friends. You're absolutely hilarious and sooo extremely strange! =P In a very good way of course! You literally rock!!

Melly. You're so sweet! And funny. And really random too =P It's been amazing growing up with you! I love all our strange conversations =P You're amazing, Amigo! =P

Eric. Man i've gotten sooo annoyed at you sooo many times!! Now you're like "Whaa?" But hear me out - all those times i've been annoyed is times when i've been dead wrong about something and you're the only one that isn't afraid to just slap me in the face and say "Dude!! Straighten up! You're wrong!!" I really really value that. What an awesome friend you are!! And i think you just called me a few minutes ago so i need to call me back. Thanks for reminding me.

Emily. You have been awesome to get to know! I love your sweet encouragement, your warm friendliness, and your joy and enthusiasm. I am perfectly content to spend an entire youth group talking to you!! :-) I am so blessed to have you for a friend! :-D

Hayley. You are completely awesome!! I have only seen you in person twice in my life, but through Gmail, Facebook, texting, and long phone conversations, i've really gotten to know you, and i'm super glad i did :-D You're so much fun to talk to, and always encouraging and understanding :-) Annnnd... you know how to burn CDs =P haha :-)

JP, G, Josiah, Adam, Matt, Ethan, Mark, Elijah, Justin, Carter, Samantha, Chelsea, Chelsey, and anybody else i forgot - much as i would love to talk about each of yall, i'm running out of room on this post!! It's been wayyyy too long already. But you all are amazing. What dear friends you are to me. Being there, encouraging me, talking to me, laughing with me, and so much more. I look forward to the new year with you all!!!! God bless.

_____

Regret

2009-01-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

This is strange, i never write in the middle of the day, always at night. But i was sitting here listening to country as i always do, and i started thinking about dating and relationships. I started thinking how i'm going to grow older and look back at my childhood and not see any of that in my life as a teenager except for a shadow of the good and a whole lot of heartache. This may be wrong, but sometimes, like right now, i want to date. I mean i already experience the heartache, why not experience the good with it? This is a serious debate for me. I've seen so, so many friends hit the dating scene, say "always and forever" and then two weeks later, are split up and more often than not, hate each other. And then, there's the matter of protecting hearts, and also staying pure for marriage. But i can't help thinking that i'm missing out on a very very good thing... I don't know guys. I feel like i'm going to regret not doing any of it. And sometimes i feel it would be easier to just find out if something would work for sure instead of having a bunch of wonderings. I'd rather see for sure, and take the heartache if it doesn't work, and then just enjoy the ride if it does. I don't want to miss what they talk about in the country songs... And i know i'm wrong in thinking that, but i don't really care at all.

_____________

Happy new yeaR!

2008-12-31T12:40:00.000-08:00

Happy new year my good friends! :-D I hope everyone has an amazzzzing time at any parties you might be going to, and try to be good Christians while you're there - remember to designate a driver. =P haha. Well i'm gonna bring in the new year in style - today and tomorrow i'm gonna post three posts, all starting with the letter "R". I'm gonna post: my Rant, my Regret, and my Resolution. And who knows i might even post another "R" just because i feel like it. =P So that's that, look for the first of those posts sometime soon! And
Happy new yeaR!

_________

Because they're awesome.

2008-12-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

So this was my christmas present - my Dad and i went driving on Christmas to take some photos of me for my website (www.NathanDowdy.com, coming soon!) and we had wayyyy too much fun, and then we came home, and i had wayyy too much fun with The Gimp and Photoshop, and they came out so great i just had to post a couple. Because... they're awesome =P

There's TONS more. If you want to see them all check out:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2013757&l=f418e&id=1092410037

Oh yeah.
=P

Still miss you Meagan.

________________

...

2008-12-25T18:46:00.001-08:00

And it repeats itself... >.< Ugh.......

_____________

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T16:31:00.000-08:00

So i feel a little lonely right now. It's Christmas Eve, real late. I shouldn't feel lonely, i just saw all my friends tonight and i had a great time with my family afterwards. But - i do feel lonely. Not sure why, but writing is helping. And texting Ying. Oh and now my favorite song came on the radio... well not really my favorite... but it reminds me of Steph and that makes me laugh =P Well anyway. Christmas is tomorrow!! That makes me happy and sad at the same time. I like everything around Christmas, the whole atmosphere, but i'm sad too... for a couple reasons i can't share. And, because time has seemed to fly by so fast. I remember New Years Eve so clearly... Everything about it. And this new year's eve is just a week from now. Last year seems like the same distance. I've decided - i'm gonna pretend it's 1999 again instead of 2009 - i'm totally gonna break out my Alice in Chains on my Discman when the ball goes down =P Well i'm kidding, even though Alice in Chains is pretty good music... Anyway i can't hold on to the past. It's just hard, you know, to let it go. It's been a great year and i don't really want it to end - even though it's just the numbers changing it feels like something else changes too, like nothing coming up will be the same as it was... Well i probably should have saved this post for New Year's Eve, shouldn't i. Oh that's right - i planned to share my New Year's resolution and my 2009 year plan then. Anyhow this post needs to be more Christmassy-er. How about a picture or three?

Well this was only two. But yeah.

Merry Christmas yall!! I hope it's amazing and that you take time to reflect on the wonderfulness of family and friends, and most importantly, on Jesus Christ our Savior's birth!!

Ugh. Tonight is the 2 year anniversary, Meagan. We had such a great time that night. We were such good friends, and i blew it. I still miss your friendship, after these two years of silence... Why did i do the things i did, and come crawling back so pathetically to beg back your friendship, just so i could have another shot? You gave me many chances, and i blew each of them. I miss you still, i wish i wasn't so creepy then and that i had handled things differently. I also hope that this situation doesn't repeat itself, like i see it doing even now with others... well that's all i guess. No more chances left to take. God, don't let this happen with anybody else...

Eggnog and Milkshakes =P

2008-12-22T14:29:00.000-08:00

Wow. Ok so i just had an incredible weekend!!! I'm wiped out but i don't want it to end!! Saturday morning i went to the door hanger thing at the church... and... i'm one of the Three Amigos, along with JP and Melly. It was sweeeeeeet!! That's all i'll say about that =P After that i went to a pretty amazing wedding which was, pretty amazing =P I had some great conversations after, too :-D Then i ran some errands, which was good. Haha Sunday i led worship for the kids again with Keri and Meghan as my vocalists. It was... hilarious. And good!! It was the best we've done so far i think. We had a great time doing that. After that, lunch with the Grafs was awesome, and then THE DAVIS'S!!!!! WOW! Wow. It was oh so awesome for reasons that are better seen than told: photos video ...So yeah one sweeeeeet weekend. Anyway you can wake up now because i promise this part will be less boring. But first rub the sleep out of your eyes and look at this:

Don't you wish you had an amazing light-up pen like mine?? =P

Anyhow - today is Bethany's birthday!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BJ!!!!
I hope it's amazing!!!!!

Their surprise party was amazing!!

Haha this was the moment before she was surprised!

Some random group shot :-) My eyes are very scary...

Everyone around the fire..

the entire group. Yes we all had fun that night, i think :-)

Well that's it then. Oh wait i said this would be more interesting... How about this?

Chow!!

__________________

Tagged!!

2008-12-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Ok i was tagged by emily, and i'm bored now, so why not?? yep...

The Rules

1. Copy the questions and then answer them (post it on your blog).

2. Tag 4 people and let them know you have tagged them.

3. Let the person [who tagged you] know that you have done a post for the tag.

What are your nicknames?
Goodness gracious - i have so many. Starting out... Cheeseburger, Goober, Tater, Nate, Donut, Natune (i love that one - my best buddy Zach gave that one to me over 9 years ago...) there's so many more, i just can't remember them all... oh yes... my favorite one - BJ gave me this one: Jack. That's all i'll say... =P hahahaha

What TV game show or reality show would you like to be on?
a reality show? gosh... Cops =P Not a sthe convicted, of course. But i would like to be the cop that bodyslams the criminal on the trunk =P

What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?
well... maybe Batteries Not Included? Maybe Johnny 5? The browns would know.

What is your favorite scent?
Woodsmoke. It reminds me of bonfires and cold nights with friends

If you had one million dollars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on?
i would put every single bit in savings. After i bought a Bugatti Convertible :-D

What is one place you've visited, can't forget and want to go back to?
Florida... soooo many memories there.... I wish i shared those memories with my friends, though. They would have been all the more sweet.

Do you trust easily?
Yes i do. And i always wonder why i get hurt.

Do you generally think before your act, or act before you think?
for little decisions, like talking to somebody, i act before thinking. For big things, like planning my future or designing a graphic or building a PC, i have learned to think before i act.

Is there anything that had made you unhappy these days?
Lots, mainly seeing friends in pain, and relationships broken. What do you do?

What is your favorite fruit?
what a followup question... i'd have to say Bananas (hahahah Ying)

What websites do you visit daily?
Facebook, Gmail, CPCC mail, yall's blogs, my blog, and Playlist.com!!

What is your favorite thing to wear?
my absolutely incredible jeans. I almost never take them off, and i don't really have any others.. don't worry i do take them off to wash them =P

Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
depends on my mood - if it's sunday morning and i have to eat them for breakfast, then noooo i can barely shove them down. If i'm miserable on a wednesday evening home alone watching tv feeling sorry for myself, then yeah i enjoy them. A lot.

What items couldn't you be without during the day?
Phone, radio, wallet, keys, headphones, PC, but yeah, mainly my phone.

What should you be doing right now?
Talking to a friend, but she had to BRB

I tag:
Wesley
Morgan
Adam
Bethany (you've already been tagged, but this is for good measure =P)

...

2008-12-11T07:57:00.000-08:00

Ok i'm thinking this post won't have anything at all interesting in it - i just need to write.

I just woke up about five minutes ago, and my guitar students will be here in 30 minutes. I soooo do not want to teach today. I've got too much else to do, and i don't think i can be all bright and chipper and find new ways to show them how to strum. They don't get it, and they don't practice. I will keep having the same lesson, week after week, until they finally take this seriously. They don't want to learn guitar, their moms want them too. No desire. Sometimes it kills it for me - i feel like "Who ISN'T passionate about music and guitar??" I love it so much, and my students ...don't. It steals my joy. I'm sorry, i'm not in a real good mood right now, i feel really sarcastic and irritable. And my spell-checker isn't working, but i don't feel like editing this for typos. Sorry to all you english major types. (of which i am one) Ehhhh i don't know. I'm just frustrated and dissappointed. No one ever learns... maybe i just can't teach. It would help if they at least wanted to learn, though.

i'm gonna do my best to be happier, and talk about things that make me happy. Tonight is frisbee which for the most part is a lot of fun. And there's sunday worship rehearsal at the church! (i'm hoping Wesley can FINALLY come!!) i've got several design projects i'm excited about, and i'm going to my favorite client's home to fix her computer :-) Ok so sharing that made me feel better. i gotta go prepare for the lesson now...

____________________________________________-

Shimmer

2008-12-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

---------------------------------------------------

All that glitters in this world is sure to fade... Away... again...

--------------------------------------------------

The most randomest post you'll ever hear, i mean see.

2008-12-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hey look i'm again copying what everyone else is doing and posting a random thoughts post!! *gasp* !!

i'm proud i didn't start this post with "well"

but... i wish i could say what i'm really feeling right now... instead i have to write cryptic phrases to clue in to the people that know what i mean, well, what i mean. As Ming always says - "Life, kids, life."

i enjoyed my friday evening, i went to deliver a computer to a client, then i went to the Brown's house!!! That was AMAZING. I was just there for a bit, but we got in a pretty sweet jam session - we played "Face down" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. That was tons of fun :-D

i love my radio, i don't know what i'd do without it. Somehow i don't feel as lonely while i'm listening to it...

i installed another sound system in my bathroom today. Yes that's right, in my bathroom. That now makes 8 systems total in my room, two surround-sounds for my main room, one for my closet, two in my bathroom, two for my computer, one on my desk, one on top of my piano, and i guess my amps can double as this as well. Wow i guess that makes 11. Yes, be jealous =P =P

i don't have anything to write about. that's why i'm bragging about my sound system, i have nothing else to say.

My heart is broken for friends. So many of you are going through rough times, and i don't know what to do for you except talk to you and pray for you. Guys seriously - ANYTHING you EVER need, call me, email me, Facebook message me, or whatever and let me know!!! If at all possible i will be sooo glad to drop what i'm doing and help you! Seriously. Ok?

Youth group is tomorrow night. I am extremely excited!!! Mainly, to see all of you guys. i seriously cannot wait for tomorrow. Brandon, BJ, Emily, Wesley, Adam, Matt, yall BETTER all be there, or i will be severely dissappointed. =P

Well i've got to be headin' on, but i'll end with something pretty funny - my Dad just got a new Verizon flip phone from work, and he has no clue how to use it - he's always had one of those old Nextel beasts. So there's been some quite humourous moments showing him how to use it or watching him try to figure it out =P =P

So i guess thats it. Bye yall.

Les

2008-12-03T22:17:00.000-08:00

backlogged: Saturday, Nov 29th

Les Paul. Yall know who that is? I'm sensing some blank stares right now... Well Mr Les Paul is the Source - literrally. You turn on the radio and like what you hear, you need to thank Les Paul! You pick up your electric guitar and play, again, thank Les. If you're Wesley, and you're doing Multitrack recording, thank Mr Les Paul!! See, he invented the electric guitar, he invented the 8-track (the precursor to VHS tape) he invented overdubbing, sampling, and multitrack recording, and he also pioneered virtually every style of music you hear on the radio. Now this is all really random i know, but bear with me, i just watched a special on him, and right now, i'm so inspired to go experiment with my own music equipment, but it's too late to turn on my amps... i figured i'd do the next best thing and tell you about it! :-D So i'm super amazed at Les Paul. He is my hero!!!! He rocks so hard!!! Seriously!!! Like WOW!!! His genius is astonishing, he pioneered virtually everything in the Music Industry, He's still alive too!!! At 94, he still plays every Monday night at a little club in Chicago, and he can play every bit as amazing as he did 60 years ago. He's hilarious too! I can't remember a quote though. :-/

So anyway - this special i watched had my attention until they started talking about Les's homemade studio - then it REALLY had my attention!! See Les Paul recorded every hit record he had (and he had a whole lot of them) in his living room, in his bathroom, his kitchen, hallway, bedroom, and foyer of his house!! Now that's what i try to do - record songs in my room. Now i've got great equipment, easy to use recording interfaces, documents on recording, help from the web, top of the line instruments, and great mics, plug-ins, cables, amps, connectors, mixing boards, amazing multitrack recording, sampling, mastering, remastering, and editing software, and every other modern advantage. Even with all that, it's excruciatingly difficult for me to produce something that sounds half-decent. Les Paul had a crappy mic, a homemade electric guitar made of a railroad spike, copper wire, and wood, homemade equipment he made from 1930's technology, and ancient tape... Nothing at all, really, save for his inventions. And yet, his recordings were dynamite, his sound unheard of, each song a classic hit revered world-wide even today. What's the difference? WHY was he unparalleled, even today?? Has to be Genius. And i'm so inspired after hearing about this Genius - i can't wait to get into the studio!!! And if you're interested at all in music recording, music appreciation, or even music listening, go research Les Paul, Music Pioneer, and aptly nicknamed "The Source" Go on, now. I'm gonna go play guitar quietly now, because i can't wait till morning. Goodnight.

____________________________

current: Thursday, Dec 4th

Well it's late night (or early morning) early early Thursday morning, and i thought i'd post this. I kinda forgot to post it then, but it still holds true for now - i still think Les Paul is amazing, and i still can't wait to get in the studio tomorrow and cut a track i've been working on since Saturday... wish me luck. Well i am going to bed now. So for the second time this post,

Goodnight.
__________________

2008-12-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

Well i'm wondering why i'm writing right now - i have absolutely nothing to say. I'm also wondering why i start almost every post and almost every paragraph of those posts with "well". Anyhow. (hahaha Emily) I've sat here trying to think of what to write about for the past-Oh and this isn't helping - a song just came on the radio reminding me of what i CAN'T write about. Uggghhh blogs are so impersonal. Talk to me in person sometime and i'll let you in on what i mean, although the people with whom mutual care exists already know exactly what i'm talking about, or close to it anyway. (For those that are my close friends that don't know what i mean, i don't say this to exclude you.) Oh why am i wasting your time talking about talking about something i can't talk about. I think i'm lonely now, even though i spent the entire day with friends, and all yesterday too. Maybe it's suddenly finding myself by myself is what happened and why i feel like this. Well i'm gonna suck it up and go to bed now, and think of all my good friends, and all i have to be thankful for.

Goodnight.

Oh by the way, it's December now. That deserves a picture.

So much to be thankful for...

2008-11-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well it's Thanksgiving, and since so many people had the great idea to post their many blessings and everything they are thankful for, i figured i should do the same. I barely

know where to start - i've been so abundantly blessed. Well i'll take a shot at this...

First of, i'm so thankful that Christ died on the cross for me!! Such love displayed that day... i am so grateful for the saving power of the Gospel. Where would i be today without Him??!?

I'm extremely thankful for me wonderful parents, they are an incredible blessing to me, and even though i don't show it usually i am so grateful for the four hour "conversations" on the couch =P They have molded and shaped my character in wa

ys nothing else really could. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Oh wow. I don't know what to say about al my wonderfully amazing friends!! I know life would be so lacking, dull, empty, and lonely without all of yall's friendship. I thank God for all of you, particularly Brandon, BJ, Chad, Wesley, Zach, Hayley, Melly, Eric, Ying, Emily, and Sammy B. I have had so many good times with all of you, those listed and those not, i am so glad i know each and every one of you. From writing music with Wesley, to laughing so hard i cry with Brandon and BJ, to riding down the road just cruisin' with Zach laughing at Sammy's hilarious rando

m thoughts, to enjoying another "good story" of Chad's to long conversations with Emily, to retarded jokes back and forth with Ying, to just general fun with Mel and Eric, to many many many text messages with Hayley, and everywhere in between with everybody else, it's been so great to know all of you! Thanks for the great memories everybody. Look

ing forward to many many many more great times with yall!! :-D

Ok bear with me this gets confusing...

i'm thankful for...

my guitar and piano, always right there when i need to "get a song out" what amazingness!!

my radio, i'm not an Ipod kinda guy :-

P I love the spontenaity!

my amazing amazing amazing phone, whish has cost me hundreds and hundreds this year already but which i don't care i spent that much because of all the good stuff i've been able to do with it - gotta love all the texts and phone calls. And the camera's nice too! =P

New paper in my blog/journal, cuz without it i'd be writing this on the back of a book =P

Sappy country music, sometimes it's the only thing that calms me down when i'm angry. And to think i didn't even like it at one time... what would i do without it??!

Long drives with friends or by myself, and a hand out the window.

my jobs!!!! because without all my freelance stuff i wouldn't be able to afford like anything =P (insert small personal ad here) If you're looking for someone to design custum Graphic/web material, you want a nice framed print for your living room, or you need a computer fixed, let me know, i can help ya!! (end small personal ad) =P

Gmail, Blogger, Facebook, my numerous

hobbies, which, if i didn't have them, would leave me bored and tired all the time! Harris Teeter, (lol) Church, Youth Group, Frisbeee!!!!! Several events at the church where i can go just, well, because haha. Spontaneous things that put a little fun and wildness in life, and so, so so much else!!! I've been writing for long enough, and if i listed (or could remember, even) everything, i'd be here til Dawn! Oh one more thing - simple things. Like this song...

"Chicken Fried"

Zac Brown Band

You know I like my chicken fried

Cold **drinks** on a Friday night

A pair of jeans that fit just right

And the radio up...

...Well its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most...

_________________________

I'm also thankful for times such as sitting in a car with so many good friends doing nothing but singing this song as loud as we can, laughing, and eating old potato chips =P These are the special times. Thank you for these times, Lord.

^ World's biggest smiley =P

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!! :-D :-D

_______________________

Tagged

2008-11-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

haha well i was tagged by Bethany, Matt, Emily, and Wesley, along with a couple others i think haha... so here we go, i guess i'll continue the game...

Rules:1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages)
"6 steps to songwriting success" (you can see what i've been reading lately haha)

2. Open to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence, which is:
"You can get song critiques from a variety of sources"

4. Post the next three sentences:
"There are songwriters' organizations throughout the US and some of them provide critiqueing services as part of their meetings (see appendix)"
"The National Academy of Songwriters and the Nashville Songwriters ascosiation International are among the organizations that offer their members proffesional song evaluations through the mail.""
"There are also workshops and classes where you may be able to get a professional opinion"

Well there you go, now you know who to contact is you ever write a song. How about that. Aren't you so glad you read this? =P

5. Tag five people. Sorry if i tag someone who's already been tagged...
Melly
Brandon
Hayley
Zach

You know what that's enough.

-----------------------------------------------------

Well today... Clear, cold, a general winter day. Days like today always make me feel like time has stopped, completely ceasing to exist. Spring follows winter, Summer follows Spring, and so on, but on a day like today it's hard to comprehend the reality. There is only today, and barely that. An illusion of an illusion. The only things that are real - the glow from the computer screen and the movement of the second hand on the clock, marking the passage of something unreal, something nonexistent. Nothing follows Now, Tomorrow is Today, Today is Tomorrow, and Everywhere in Between is right where it should and shouldn't be. There is only this, the sun warming the window, shadow transcending space to rest on Time... this is all. all. all.

----------------------------------------------------

^ that's what i was thinking about earlier, and now. It's a little strange, but strangely poetic as well, and i think it says how i feel. Sorry for the strangeness though. I'll write more later...

__

(no title) ...that will do.

2008-11-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

^ That's for Wesley. lol. I searched for "random" on Google, and this was the first image that came up!!! How awesome is THAT??

------------

i'm wondering why i'm sitting here writing this... i have nothing to say. i guess i'm bored, and i hate this kind of bored, because it's the kind of bored where you have tons of stuff to do but not really want to do any of it... I was hoping to go to Brandon and BJ's choir performance in concord, but by the time i got there it would be over, so i'm a little disappointed sitting here doing nothing. I'm listening to a song i had forgotten about, ironically titled "Unforgotten" lol. It's actually on the Halo 3 soundtrack, but it's so beautiful you wouldn't think it came from a video game. I wish i could play piano like that. Well anyways. Today was Project 149 Dance Ministry's performance - i ran sound and did tech stuff like that for Jannelle and her girls (and strangely... boys 0.o) and it turned out great, except for the fact that i kept messing up because of A) faulty equipment, B) misunderstood instructions, and C) my own inability and forgettfulness. But like i said it turned out well, despite me that is =P (once again BJ sorry about the drop d thing!) Everyone did great. I really enjoyed staying aferwards and cleaning up, i got to spend time with my main man Taylor H and Jannelle, which was a lot of fun - i ended up staying until almost 4, even though everything ended at 12:30 haha. I got home and ate a great ham sandwich which i made myself (i'm very proud) and a great cold rootbeer. And now i'm out of rootbeer. *makes note to get more rootbeer* After that i just spent a while making calls and trying to work out transporting a keyboard (long story) And so... yeah. (as Chad would say) right now i'm not doing anything particularly important, although... ok i'm gonna go do something important. Bye. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for wasting your time reading this boring, senseless post :-D

a small contradiction

2008-11-20T09:53:00.000-08:00

Well i'm actually BORED right now, kind of a contradiction from my last post. I feel like i'm in the eye of the storm - my guitar student just left, my mom is gone for a little bit, and i'm sitting back with a cool drink taking a breather waiting to (procrastinating) get the merchandize ready to load into the car so we can drive to Fort Mill. So i guess i COULD be really busy right now if i wanted to be, but i'm bored because i'm online and nobody else is, and i've already read everybody's recent blog posts (which were all amazing, by the way) So i decided to do a new post, a little pointless one that has no deep meaning. Quite contrary to what i'm listening to. i'm listening to some System of a Down, and let me tell ya, they are amazing. I can guarantee that none of you would like them, though. They are a mix of psychadelic/hard/armenian folk/just plain wierd rock. Their lyrics are extremely controversial, very anti-socialism and very sarcastic and bitter. I love them :-D So that wraps up my excessively boring post, which was more of an ad for S.O.A.D. haha

oh here's a taste of lyrics from System:

...Breaking into Fort Knox 
Stealing our intentions 
Every city, gripped in oil 
Crying freedom! 
Handed to obsoletion 
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth 
la la la la la la la la la la (ooh-oo)
Everybody is going to the party 
Have a real good time 
Dancing in the desert 
Blowing up the sunshine
Blast off, it's party time 
And we all live in a fascist nation 
Blast off, it's party time 
And where the heck are you?...

Well that's a taste of what they're like. lol. Maybe i shouldn't listen to them, it makes me want to go start a revolution. haha. Anyways....

Omigoodness

2008-11-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been a long time since i've written. Life has been SO busy, i honestly haven't had time to catch my breath, think, or do anything else beyond what's on my to-do list, much less post. Things have been good, for the most part, except for that awful nagging feeling that i haven't done everything i've needed to. I work so much now, i try to relax whenever possible because if i don't i'll go crazy. I'm always either working or sleeping, and since i work feelance (which really comes out to be about 3 full-time jobs) usually those are done immediately following each other! Tonight was very nice, though, i went to the Harris's and played many tasty jams with Chad that, even though it was all improv (i was rythym guitar he was lead guitar) i'd say each jam was good enough for an album - i wish i could remember evertything we played, and i hope we didn't annoy the family too much! Sorry for the loud music, Morgan - i hope it didn't add to your headache :-( Well i think i'm gonna hit the sack now; it's late and i have an EXTREMELY full day tomorrow - college homework needs to be finished, 3 PC's need to be fixed, all stock merchandize needs to be comopleted and assembled, orders need to be packaged and shipped, i've got to call clients that owe me money to negotiate a fair payment, i need to work out (i HAVE to make that a priority!) i've got caregroup worship tomorrow night to prepare for, i really really really want to find time to work on THE project, i need to call clients for various reasons, i've got to make a housecall to fix a PC, i need to finish my website so my clients can access it after i promised them it would be up and running 2 weeks ago, that big design project for PR needs to be finished (due date fast approaching!!) and i still have to post this!!! Lord help me. Well if you're reading this, that means that i've at least got ONE thing done =P haha

Oh one more thing - check out my favorite quote of the day:

"Ending sentances with prepositions is something i will not up with put" - Winston Churchil

hahahaha. Classy.

____________________________

Backlogged::: "End of Innocence"

2008-11-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Recently, while going through my big brown notebook, i came across a post that i never published, partly because of its length, and partly because i wanted to make sure it was theologically accurate. I've decided to finally post it here, even though it is fairly old. I hope you enjoy, and please let me know your thoughts on it, because, you see, it's about the Gospel, and i want to be extremely careful that i do not distort the Truth. Read on below, i hope it makes some amount of sense...

______________________________________

"End of Innocence"

There's a song by a not-so-christian band that isn't holy, but it does illustrate a good point. You've probably heard it, it's "Animal i have Become" by Three Days Grace. It's about a poor fella who has, well, lost his innocence, and sinned to the point of losing his identity. He begs for someone, anyone, to help him, to change him, and to help him see himself as more than just, an animal. Now we never hear what happens to this guy, i personally hope he found some answers, but the song ends with that plea "help me change this animal i have become!" Why am i sharing this? I think you and i are that guy. Not out in the open, of course, just subtly, behind the scenes, barely behind -in our thoughts, nowhere else, usually. I'm sure you've done something, like, maybe you're talking to a friend who is going through something bad, and maybe you're shocked to discover that you feel no sympathy for the person, your best friend even, and instead you feel like BMC (big man on campus) for reaching down a hand to console this poor, poor little person. I have. Maybe it's that little voice that says "pft you've done enough for the day" when confronted with an opportunity to serve someone. Maybe its... well, whatever it is, i'm sure you know what i mean... I call it the End of Innocence. Do you know what i'm talking about? Every single day, if you're like me, you cheat, fake it, or plot evil, and then lie about it to yourself to keep the beast locked inside your mind and to ease your conscience. Not all of us notice it yet, either. That's called Incrementalism. If for some odd chance you don't know what i'm talking about, chances are either )A, you're sinless, and in that case I'm deeply honored that you're reading my blog, Jesus! ...or )B your mind is deceiving you, and you do things, little things, things you don't even notice, little evil thoughts that are just feeding the monster, feeding it - making it stronger in little increments (remember Incrementalism?) where one day it will pounce, destroy you, and leave you lying in a pool of your own throw-up. Sorry for the harsh analogies, but my friends, there is nothing happy, peaceful, or flowery about sin, which is what i've been referring to, of course. There's also nothing at all any less important than the gospel, and this, as i hope all of you are well aware, is the answer to the plea of our friend in the song, and ours as well. Only Christ's saving work on the cross can do anything for us poor, wretched sinners. I can't assume that everyone who reads this blog is a Christian, as much i would like to, but i have to accept the fact that there is a chance that a few of you won't go to heaven when you pass away. In that case, if you haven't trusted Christ yet, do so now, at this very moment!! Just tell God that you understand that He died on the cross to take the punishment you deserve, and that you want to serve \Him and live to glorify Him. He won't turn you away!! "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (i forget the reference) If you feel a tug of your conscience, but aren't really sure what this is all about, Please call a pastor! I know my pastor would love to talk with you and you can call him at 704-948-9900. Just ask to speak to Mickey and tell him what's going on. He'll help ya!

Now if you don't know what happens after you tell God that stuff, basically, it's incrementalism again, although this time it's the good kind. God will begin to work in your life, turning those bad thoughts into good ones, if you work with Him. Now it doesn't (usually) happen all at once, like i said earlier in this post. I know i still have so, so many evil thoughts , and many times my actions aren't all that pure either. The difference is, instead of increasing in evilness, i am constantly increasing in Godliness, stumbling and tripping along, but still increasing, if i listen to what God wants me to do. This is called Sanctification, and even though it's hard, it's necessary. Even if you only show a little bit of fruit from your labor, it is still a tremendous example of God's goodness and kindness. Please take this road, it's the only one that leads to Life!!

I'm not sure why i just shared all that, i just felt a burden to write this. Now for those of you who are stronger in your faith than me and noticed errors in this post PLEASE let me know, the last thing i want to do lead someone down the wrong path.

Well now my pencil's running out of lead (actually graphite, to be scientific =P) And this has been long enough already. Seriously if this has struck a chord with you, don't keep it to yourself!

________________________________________

Well it's amazing as i read back over this how disjointed and confusing that was... i hope you were able to take some truth from it at least! It's funny to dive back to old writings, isnt it? And also a little humbling as well haha.

The End

2008-11-07T13:28:00.001-08:00

i have one more post left in my journal now so until i get new paper i'll have to keep it short. As i'm writing this, Senator Obama is giving his victory speech as President of the United States of America. I am sickened with this country, that we have all sat by and let this happen. I am angry that more innocent people, through abortion and other means, have to die before we all learn our lesson and this madness ends. I am saddened that all of America and possibly the world will have to endure the consequences of it's decision. History is repeating itself... Hitler, Stalin, Castro, possibly Obama... Yet another smooth talking socialist taking us arm in arm smiling and laughing down Communism lane to our final demise... I don't know what to do about this, what we can do about this, but i do know one thing i won't stand for. I will not tolerate political correctness. I'm no longer going to hesitate to speak the truth or call it like it is just to pacify feelings. If you're offended, go hug a tree.

I am so worried for America... I know God's in control, but he was also in control when untold millions of Jews, His people, were mercilessly executed. Will we have to endure this? Oh, I pray not. I pray history will not repeat itself like it almost never ceases to do... Hmph - people are sheep, complacently shuffling to be sheared and killed. But it's sheep killing sheep now, as it has always been. God bless America. Lord, please come.

Sweet Madame Blue
Styx

Time after time
I sit and I wait for your call
I know I'm a fool
But what can I say
Whatever the price I'll pay
For you, Madame Blue

Once, long ago
A word from your lips
and the world turned
around
But somehow you've changed
You're so far away
I long for the past and
dream of the day
With you, Madame Blue

Sweet Madame Blue
Gaze in your looking glass
You're not a child anymore
Sweet Madame Blue
The future is all but past
Dressed in your jewels
You made your own rules
You conquered the world and more
... Heaven's door

America, America...
America, America...
America, America...
America, America...

America, America...
America, America...

Red, white and blue
Gaze in your looking glass
You're not a child anymore
Red, white and blue
The future is all but past
So lift up your heart
And make a new start
And lead us away from here
_________________________

Friday afternoon...

Well these past few days have been a trial for me, and you, and everyone else i'm sure as we adjust to the reality of a country led by Barrack Obama. For me, though, i am more at peace, mainly after a conversation with a good friend, who encouraged me to ALWAYS trust in God. After all that's all we can really do, isn't it. Trust, and pray. And that friend reminded me that President Obama might not be as bad as we're making him out to be, that he might do great things for this country. We could all be wrong about him. I pray that i am. Even if he is like we have heard and seen, he still commands our respect, as he IS the President of the United States, and as such, like it or not, we are called to obey and respect him, even when he makes extremely wrong decisions. I don't know where this country will be at the end of these four years, but let us be assured that God is in control, and He has our good in mind! So i say let's meet each new challenge together, and finally come together under a man many of us completely disagree with. It sounds strange, but i think this is what God is calling us to do... we must respect, obey, speak the truth, trust in Him, and most of all, pray. Lord, please help us.

.

Blogging 102

2008-11-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

Is blogging dead?? Have ideas stopped coming?? Have priorities been rearranged?? For me i think the above are true, if only slightly. I haven't unzipped my big brown notebook in about a week and a half, and it's made me a little edgy. Not being able to write has been awful. This habit has been formed quickly and i feel like i have to write. The problem is, i don't feel like i have anything to write about anymore. And you know, i think that's the problem for some of you as well. "nothing left to say" has been the theme of a lot of blogs lately, or, even more prevalently, silence. What happened??! It seemed like just days ago we were writing frequently and i would wake up and be excited about reading your latest post, and also publishing mine. Now i see on my blog list, "updated 2 weeks ago" more often than not. Have the ideas stopped? Maybe... I'm not sure really, i'm just shooting in the dark and wondering why nobody has posted in a while...

Hmmm... i'm definitely not saying this is a bad thing. Like i said, i understand how things can catch up on you and you don't find any time to post. This post probably won't even get posted until a week from now. But, for those of you that WANT to post (and have time to) I have a couple tips for you, i hope they help.

#1: If you have many thoughts through the day that you want to share, and then you sit down to post them and find you can't remember a single one, try keeping a journal (or diary for you girls) and jotting down your thoughts as they come to you. You'll have everything right there, thoughts already composed, when you're ready to post! Another upside of keeping a journal is you can write things in there that you don't want anybody else to read. Haha you should read my posts before i edit them :-P I'm guessing most of you do this already, but if you don't, it's a great way to keep your blog well-posted.

#2: Never assume your life is too boring to post about. One amazing thing about people is that each of our takes on life, and definitely our life experiences, are different. What seems like same-old-same-old to you could be very interesting to me. Plus sharing about life helps people
get to know each other. So when all you've done that day was go for a run or a lot of school or work at Chic-Fil-A or a few errands with your Mom, or whatever you've done, try writing it on your blog. I know i would love reading about it, and i'm sure others would as well.

#3: If you think you don't have anything to post about, that your thought are dry or your day has been boring, try reading a book (i'd recommend "Worldliness" edited by Cj Mahaney) that stimulates your thought activity, write down your thoughts on each chapter, and then post those. Remember to keep it in context, though.

#4: Ask questions on your post. A post isn't supposed to be all-inclusive or have all the answers. Sometimes it's better to ask. See, you never know - someone might have the answer for you! And you also might find material for another post in the post's comments. Don't hesitate to ask.

#5: Review your goals for the blog. Do you maintain it as a social network where you connect with other bloggers? Do you view it as something to get your thoughts out where they can be read and analyzed by yourself and others in an attempt to benefit from fresh perspective? Do you write to hone your writing skills? Maybe to inform people about things that you do? Possibly to encourage friends with what God has been showing you? Maybe a combination of these or something entirely? Whatever your reason, review it and you'll find a fresh perspective on it.

Well that's five tips, i couldn't think of any more. I hope this helps you if you were having trouble with your posting! I'm gonna go wait two weeks procrastinating posting this =P

Oh and this post is named blogging 102, because i'm not a professional and can't give a "101" - i can only do the next best thing :-P

I feel like i'm staring at me..,

2008-10-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night...

Ugh. *shudders* Right now i am completely disgusted by a photograph. A photograph of me, actually. Not because it's "stupid" or "Ew i look awful in this one" But because it is genuinely evil. Not the original photo, not really. The original is me wearing an Indiana Jones' style fedora looking straight into the camera with a slight sarcastic smile and a strange gaze. That's not so bad. The evil comes from another photo, a doctored version of the previous. See i got some comments on the original being "creepy" and i thought- "i'll show them creepy" and then went to trusty ol' Photoshop and worked on changing the picture so it would look like i'm in a dark room, and i put a candle in front of my face, and played with the color till it looked right. Then, i don't know what got into me, but i decided to make the photo version of me look like Alice Cooper, with thick eyeshadow and thick eyebrows, with a very thin mouth. I worked for a while with it zoomed in, and then i zoomed out to see the finished project. Goodness gracious it freaked me out. Instead of looking like Mr Cooper, i ended up looking like something totally evil... and i'm not being dramatic... I might need therapy. Well i'm kidding about that, but still. What got me were my eyes staring back at me. They were my eyes, but something was different - they were dead!! No expression behind them... like they lacked a soul... creepiest thing i have ever seen... And then... i started thinking - "That's the real me!!" Me without God's Grace and work in my life, that is. It was almost a look straight into the blackness of my evil heart. I couldn't take it. I can't face myself. I seriously went into my bathroom a couple minutes ago to sit in a chair (where i am now) to write this, and i gotta tell you i was scared silly (it was pitch black) until i found the light switch. My heart is beating like 180 times per minute (or whatever's really fast) and i'm shivering a little bit, no lie. I am scared of myself!! Gosh that sounds so completely lame, but that picture... i'm gonna post it here, but i'm not gonna post the image, just a link to the image, because it... yeah. Um well here's the original, the first doctored, and then a link to the horrid one. (click at own risk)

****the really really scary one (click here)*****

*Thursday afternoon...
Well right now i bet your thinking i have got to be the sissiest guy you know. I wish i could say that i was just kidding, that i made up being freaked out so i could illustrate my point about our evil hearts and God's grace, but i seriously can't. I was genuinely majorly freaked out. The thing is i don't get scared easy at all! I can sit through a horror film and laugh at all the cheesy mistakes the filmmakers did, and not be affected all that much by the content, but this image... it still freaks me out, and i'm writing this in the mid afternoon, sun shining, and even while listening to country! (which, as i have said, calms me down). I think it's my conscience, because i think to me it embodies all my sin. I'm not sure. All i know is that picture freaks me the hell out... (scuse my french) let me know if you had the courage to look at it, and tell me if it scares you the same, or if it's just specific to me... i'd really like to know

(Un)Answered Questions

2008-10-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

i promised a friend that i would break down the scenario of a fish that couldn't back up )long story) but right now doesn't seem right. Maybe i'll talk about it later on down this post. I've got a lot to think about. I don't think i can unpack it all, all the wonderings, the questions, all the sadness, pain, love, all the joy, all the confusion, and all the speculation that is going through my head like a low budget French film from the 70's. i'm gonna try, though.
So, Why. Why?

Why...

Why do i congratulate myself on being a great worship leader? I lead others to worship our Great Savior and i find myself just praising myself. Why can't i destroy my own pride and arrogance in an ability that is not my own and which was designed to bring glory and honor to Another?

Why is there so much evil in this world? I just heard about a friend of a friend who was recently murdered, along with all her siblings, in an extremely graphic way. Why do the people closest to them have to go through such agony all because of a rash idea in a murderer's heart? I don't know, but i know that even though i don't know this family my prayers go out to them and everyone closest to them. I hope yours do as well.

Why do the good intentions of Godly people go so badly awry?

Why am i constantly seeking to claim glory from a music project that was originally created to glorify God? Every success and failure causes me to increasingly look inward and either be impressed by my accomplishments or be disgusted and repulsed by my failure, so it's always "i did Great!" or "I can do so much better than That!" Ugh i have perverted something good, as always. It was perverted to start with, whie the idea was being developed. I'm constantly turning the focus and attention on myself and not being amazed afresh at what He has dome for everything, specifically in this project! I do this and expect the project to succeed? I have a bad taste in my mouth, and i think it would do well for me to constantly review this project's title. I can only say thank God i have so many selfless servents helping me with this, i know due to my own arrogance and pride nothing at all would come from this. Thank you every one of you who knows what i'm talking about, please continually be going back to the Cross and remaining humble!

To all this... Why? Why?

I don't think i will ever have the answers.

Is that a bad thing??

Why can't i just trust God In all this..? Why can't i trust His Heart? When i can't trace His Hand, i can trust His Heart!! I know he has started a good work, and i KNOW that He will finish it!!

Well... now that i am actively working on trusting Him, I'm calmer now, i'm listening to country (which always calms me down :-D) and i'm praying intermitently. Now, Hayley, i know you've scrolled down to this part to try to find the part where i talk about your thing. No cheating - go up to the top and read everything again, and then meet me down here when you've done that. Go on.

....

Ok now that you've read the WHOLE post, Hayley, i will now talk about the, um, mentally challenged fish :-P ok for the rest of you what 's going on,to the best i can remember, (having only been told once) is there was this fsh, see. At Outdoor World i think And he couldn't back up. for ease of readability, i'm gonna call our little fish 'Bob". So Bob had swam for so far that he couldn't turn around and swim somewhere else. Bob stayed there. For a long time, i think. Just stuck, but not really. Now this could be an anology for many things. Let's dive in here (pun intended) and see if we can pinpoint a couple similarities in the following anologies and our friend Bob the Fish.

#1: Sometimes our life choices take us in a direction where at some point we find that we can't go forward , due to circumstances, and we can't back up, because of consequences of our previous actions. Take Jeff. Jeff did something very bad. Jeff left home when he was a teenager because he and his parents had a, let's say "strained" relationship. Now years down the road, after turning around a life of drugs and immorality, Jeff hears that his folk's health is failing. That relationship never having been restored, and more bitterness having grown between them, our friend Jeff can't care for his folks because of past decisions and bitterness sustained. Just like Bon the Fish, Jeff the Hypethetical Person can't back up...

#2: This one is a little sadder. Well a lot sadder. Hypethetical Jeff might be able to fix his hypethetical situation, but our next buddy, Paul, can't. Paul's life has been one of pleasure-seeking, at whatever cost. and what's worst, Paul wants nothing to do with the Gospel. His life His life choices and circumstances have hardened his heart and led him down the wrong path. This is different from Bob the Fish and Jeff the Other Person, though. Even though he can't back up; Paul doesn't WANT to back up, really. We need to pray for people like the analogical Paul.

#3: Now i'm gonna introd-- well you know what, that's enough. I think we've met enough hypethetical people, and, i think, one-too-many pathetically-personified fishes. I'm done.

So there, i think instead of answering my own questions, i've answered one presented by that lovable movie of the early 90's... So Hayley, other readers, and Mr Bill Murray, i think we now know... What About Bob??!?

Too many many thoughts II

2008-10-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

Saturday, October 11th

Yes yes i think it's time for another post. Don't you love how unspecific my posts are? You don't know if i wrote this today or six months ago. (even that was unspecific - "today") I assure you though, this is as current as i can make it, outdated only a couple days. To make it more specific, i just got home from Youth Group. Well, since you asked, it was good and bad. I really enjoyed some long conversations with good friends tonight, but also had to put up with a bunch of junk and disappointment from other people along with the joy. yeah that's how it goes. I'm so thankful for all my friends. That becomes more clear the more junk i have to go through. Hmmm... i guess i'm pensive now. That means thoughtful for all those that don't know 3rd grade English =P Ok that was harsh. You'll forgive me :-)
Right? Ok good. So yeah nothing much to say now even though i want to keep writing. Um gosh. No big theological thing to talk about, i don't think i can think so well now, i think. Hey hold on. I think i'll do something here. I think it's time for some random stuff, so i'm going to post everything in the next few lines that is going through my head. And i mean everything...

My back hurts.

Is she gonna text me back anytime soon?

I like this song.

breeding hedgehogs is amazing. I mean wow... i didn't think you could make that much money from that... (yes Emily i'm still thinking about that =P)

I don't like THIS song.

My floor is dirty. i need to vacuum.

I think my shoes are impure after the shoe game tonight.

Ow my eyes are burning.

That's really cool. Oh i should be texting that.

Ew i shouldn't write THAT thought down. People don't want to know how moldy my shower is.

I love all my numerous sunglasses.

Well i need a new hairbrush.

I wonder how Brandon's doing now? Too late to call him.

I wonder how many people are left-handed in the world?

Who invented clothes hangers?

The Vacuum Tube is amazing. I love amplifiers and monitors. Edison was a big jerk and ruined a lot of people's lives (it's true) but he DID invent vacuum tubes. Praise God for that!

Wow i can't see anything now. Thitsh ish alll blurrrie.

Well that's all i'll write down of my thoughts now. (yes Hayley i was talking to you while writing this in case you're wondering) Ok now i'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight.

I think it's marvelous... Hahahaha!...!!

2008-10-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

Maybe writing will help me feel better. Maybe not. I'm tight strung, i found the most amazing deal on some music production equipment on Craigslist that i need need need, and it's only $50 or a trade for my practice amp that i don't need anynmore!! Gosh it's like PERFECT but i havent got a response back on it and i can't check my email until tomorrow morning!! AAAAGGHHH!!!! So i;m stressing over that and a million other things. Life sucks sometimes. I find it funny how my opinion on life changes almost by the minute. It's great, then it's awful, then it's too much to handle, then it's back to being great again. I'm as wishy-washy as Charlie brown, without the yellow sweater. And i'll never change, because i'm human, last time i checked. So i'll continue in this mindless redundant cyclicle cycle to the day i die. I'm sarcastic now in case you haven't noticed. Partly because of the fact that i'm listening to Pink Floyd and i'm not trusting God, just living out the cycle.. like an old rotary speaker. It keeps going round and round, and sometimes it syncs up with itself... i don't know, maybe i'm crazy. Maybe my rotary speaker life isn't synced up this spin around. Maybe the whole thing is spinning way to fast as the Leslie organist tries to play a slow lullaby but ewnds up playing a crazy piece of music like Brain Damage by Pink Floyd. Maybe my brain is damaged. Yes yes. Hehehe. I'll see you on the dark side of the moon...

"Brain Damage"

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
Ill see you on the dark side of the moon...

"There's only one thing left to say... I think it's Marvelous!! Hahahaha!!!"

"Eclipse"

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
Beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All thats to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

* Monday October 13th

Ok so this post was very very odd... i was in a weird head space when i wrote it haha. I was so stressed and tired i think i really WAS losin it there. Well i decided to post it anyway because i like the analogies in it. Bear with the creepiness, after all, it is getting closer to Halloween =P

* Tuesday October 14th

By the way, i STILL haven't got a response back from the guy selling the equipment. It's not looking to good there. Please pray i'm able to purchase those items, it's what i've been looking for for years. Anyway...

...There is no dark side of the moon really. matter of fact its all dark...

.

Some live without it...

2008-10-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Ah Tuesday. I feel like writing a long post. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm siting here enjoying the rich warm cold freezing cold citrusy bottled up carbonated goodness that is a Diet Coke, texting good friends back and forth furiously, listening to Summer Song by Wavorly, studying History, thinking, meditating really, and writing. Ahhhhh life. Yes my friends, this is how it goes, the good and bad, the sad and happy, the pain and joy, all together. It all swirls together like Diet Coke. Who would've thought that you could take corn syrup, carbonated water, and a bunch of disgusting chemicals and swirl them all together to get an absolutely incredible drink? Who would've thought you could swirl all THAT (you know what i mean) together and get something wonderful called Life?? God. God is amazing. He created life, and some live without it...

"Some live without it"

what i have to say is obvious
and knowledge free,
for all of us are
you're word leaves us with no excuse
the paths we choose make us who we are

there's a breeze blowing through
here tonight

so i praise and adore you
lay it all down before you
in every way you're beautiful
from my heart
i praise and adore you
made the world beautiful
and i cannot sit and deny you created life
and some live without it

wake up morning sunrise in my eyes
at night the moon lights all the skies
the sound of hope that's in the air
and everything that's everywhere

there's a breeze blowing through
here tonight

so i praise and adore you
lay it all down before you
in every way you're beautiful
from my heart
i praise and adore you
made the world beautiful
and i cannot stand and deny you created life
and some live without it

and it's true
its all you

so i praise and adore you
lay it all down before you
in every way you're beautiful
from my heart
and every breath i take
there's no way
accident created this place

praise and adore you
lay it all down before you
in every way you're beautiful
from my heart
i praise and adore you
made the world so beautiful
i cannot stand and deny you created life
and some live without it
and some live without it

____________________

How can i stand and deny You created life??

Haha yep.

2008-10-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 4th Oct - Mon, 6th Oct

*Saturday

Well this is nice. I'm relaxing right now with friends, doing nothing but getting slowly sunburned... Just waiting for the Warriors game to start... I won't bore you with the numerous events of my day, except to say that driving while listening to country music is absolutely amazing =P Yesss, i think i'm a country fan now. Haha yep. So shoot me. And apparently that's the style of music that i can sing and play the best...

* Monday

That was as far as my post got that day - i think the game started or somebody started talking to me lol. Man that was tons of fun, i met some really really cool people, had long conversations with good friends, laughed so hard i cried and my grin hurt my face, and tons of other amazing stuff like that. Well the only thing left to say, i think, is GO WARRIORS!!!!

Fresh Air

2008-10-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well this is a first. I'm writing on my blog, actually, on my blog. Yep! I'm actually sitting down in front of my Pc and staring at the text window for a "new post" and yeah so this is unscripted and uncensored, i'm just saying what comes to mind right now, and it's actually relevant to the time i'm posting this. Yes, it's very freeing. =P So i have no clue what i'm posting about, right now i'm just waiting for my crazy day to catch up to me. I gotta go in the next few minutes, and then i'll be nonstop until tomorrow. And i am running on empty. I need caffiene. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm complaining. I'm going to stop complaining and talk about something else, like how much i love early morning drives, and sticking my hand out the window as i drive down those old country roads, feeling the extremely cold air rush by at 50mph. That is living. I'm gonna go live some more. Bye.

FALL!!!!

2008-10-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ah today is October 1st. that makes me happy, because even though fall started on like September 23rd or something, for me it's never really fall until October. That's the time you can go outside and smell that wonderful woodsmoke on the wind in the cool night air. That's the time for growing close to friend's and family, the time memories are made around a bonfire in the middle of the woods at 1:30 am. yes i like fall :-) Oh and it's dusk on Wednesday, which is amazing for no reason :-P

.

Life's too short

2008-10-01T12:00:00.001-07:00

Well tonight i want to write. To write about many many things. To write about sadness, and dear friends, joy and love, peace, immaturity, amazing bands, biblical debates, spilled soda. About sphone calls, and phone bills, rechargeable batteries, and inside jokes (wolf), and life, all in all. But i can't. I can't because i don't have the patience or the fortitude to sit here an pen it out, and i also don't want to bore you with my insane rambling. Ah well, i supose i will write about a few things. Where to start. Ummm... Oh yeah. JI got everything done on my to-do list today!! Aren't you proud of me??! :-D Annnd... Frisbee was fun, even though we only played one game. I didn't drop one catch!! Oh yes now you're even more proud of me, right? yessss... haha after frisbee my good friend Eric and i went inside the church and had a great discussion on biblical things, which our friend Josiah joined us in midway through. Wow we were debating theology, science, and psychology left and right - it was awesome. I got home and got on the computer and guess what - i was confronted with more immaturity. It's better this time, though. I'm giving it all to God and i'm not going to dwell on it. Yup. Plus, it kinda brought it all in perspective later on when i watched a video of myself from a couple years ago. I was such a dork. I guess i still am. Haha well i'm working on it. I kept cringing, watching that video, though. So much immaturity in me. I'm sorry to all the folks in the video from back then, only one of whom will probably ever read this - sorry for my lame jokes, my insensitivity , my annoying attitude, my disgusting laugh, and for filming absolutely everything :-P (you know what i mean) Anyways i can't dwell on the past, just do better in the present, and look towards the future. Well it's getting late, i'm tired, and i'm thirsty, on a completely irrelevant note :-P One last thing though - isn't it so annoying how much craziness is going around about the gas shortage?? I mean seriously people - take a chill pill and stay home instead of running out at the first sign of "danger" to put $2 worth in your tanks. No wonder there's a shortage - people are filling without needing. Oh sorry, i promised not to share my political opinion here. Oh i didn't? Well i am now. People get mad at me for sharing it, so i won't. Life's too short. :-)

Everything...

2008-09-29T15:19:00.001-07:00

(Thursday, September 25th)

I'm listening to "everything" by Lifehouse. It is beautiful. And to remember last night's skit still sends shivers down my back. I can't think about it very much or i start crying, it's just that powerful. And i don't want to get my blog post wet :-P So instead, i'll remember tonight. Mm that was fun. We played Hide-and-seek, some friends and i. It was great fun pretending we were little kids again. i'd forgotten how much fun it was. How much fun it was to crouch behind a stack of chairs grinning from ear to ear and watch your friend look around for you and know he can't find you. It's great fun to run through the hall breathless with your best buddy running away from "the other kids". It's great fun to jump out from where you're hiding and freak out a girl! The look on Bj's face was priceless :-P It's great fun to forget, forget about life's problems and responsibilities and just have... fun.

I just took a long pause in the writing of this to savor that time, to think on God's goodness, and this amazing song i'm listening to still. I'm going to sit and remember for a while. Remembering God's goodness, and good times with good friends, tonight, and years ago. I will sit for a while.

________________

Everything
Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

________________

How can i stand here with You
And not be moved by You?!?

How, Lord?!?!

life as viewed from behind mirrored sunglasses

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