Charade.

Isn't He good? That's what i'm thinking about. Even right now; as life seems far from good. Right now i feel rejected, cast out by people i used to call friends. Right now i feel very much deserving of that rejection, as i realize that i have done much to justify it. Worse yet, i realize that i am usually the one doing the rejecting. As worthy as i am of rejection myself; i climb right up on my high horse, stepping on the backs of others as i ascend and sit upon the throne of my own putrid arrogance and judge everyone i see that falls beneath the standard i set and pretend to live by. It's a sham, and the people that reject me are completely correct in their (albeit sinful) judgment of me, even though they don't judge the right things. They judge the pathetic sham that i put on for the world to see. The way i dress. The color of my skin. The way i act. The way i can never come up with a good witty comeback. The retarded things i say. they judge the sham instead of judging the REAL me. The way my arrogance permeates all i do. The rebellion that is constantly in my heart even though i slap on a smile at church and respectfully greet the pastors with phony, disgusting, repulsive humility. The way i use people, making friendships for the sole reason that i've assessed that i will benefit from something the person has to offer as i kindly draw them out about their life, scheming how i will bring them down to accomplish what i want. The falseness in my Christian witness, just a smile, a hug, a rote repetition of scripture, knowing and saying the exact deep words to say to provoke a thought in someone's head "Wow what a stunning representation of Christ likeness!" What a humble young man!" I'm a false, two-faced lier - one way around you; quite another way in private. Hmph - ask my parents. They'll tell you what i'm REALLY like. I am, completely, evil. Can't hide it. Don't really want to anymore. I'm tired of this charade. It's a game, really. The name of the game? "Hide behind your Christianity and trick and use as many people as you can before you're found out" Hmph. What a way to live. I can't. I won't. Praise God, though - I don't have to!! If you were reading and you can relate to this pathetic charade of a way of life, you don't have to live this way either! God is there!! You don't have to hide behind your pretty plastic mask anymore. You can't really hide from God, anyway. If you have put your faith in Him, He is peeling your mask off, exposing what's underneath, yes, but CHANGING what's underneath into something absolutely good and holy while he's at it! I know He is changing my arrogance into true humility, instead of leaving the masked pride. He is changing my rebellion into obedience. He is changing my selfishness into a deep love for His people. He is changing my fake religious charade into a love and adoration for Him. The sad part is; my mask is only a little bit off, now. The happy, wonderful part is, He has started a GOOD WORK!! and... HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FINISH IT!!! WHAT HOPE!!!!

"All i have is Christ" (verse 2 on)

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You


"Forever" (wcr)

Forever you'll keep me in your grace
My Father
Never need I be afraid for your faithful

Your living hope resides in me
Your perfect love brings life and peace
And when my heart would question you
You draw me near the savior's feet

You hold me in your sovereignty
Your perfect grace will never cease
Your perfect grace will never cease
And though this world would mock your name
Still I will cling to Jesus' feet