Stage for an Alter

How did i become so bitter? I remember a time not too long ago when i wasn't. Have people made me this way? Has just life experience made me this way? Has my own sin and unforgiveness made me this way? Lately i've felt sarcastic, vengeful, bitter. Mainly against the people who i feel have made me this way. They haven't made me this way. I have. I have made me this way. My arrogance. I judge everyone, and i become bitter because i can't handle knowing that i sin in my judgment. I am up against a wall. I hate the sin others do to me. I hate that i can't do anything. I hate that i have to turn the other cheek. I hate that i have to love. That i have to love the people that hurt me. When their words cut me, when i want to hurt them far worse than what they've done to me i hate that i have to smile ans shrug it off. I can't do a thing, and so i take the rage and push it deep down so i won't feel it. Something happens inside, though. That rage turns to dark bitterness. My arrogance fuels it. Now why am i sharing this?? Because i'm tired. I'm tired of keeping it in. I WILL live a Godly life, and i'm tired of keeping up the charade that i am just another happy plastic person in this happy plastic world living a happy plastic life. You probably haven't admitted it to anyone, but i bet you know just what i'm talking about and i bet you're tired of it too. You know, i think if we were all open and honest with each other, this world wouldn't be so screwed up. See we trade honesty for companionship, and in so doing never truly know the hearts closest to us. I'm sorry if what i write scares you. It is me without Grace. Praise God, though, there IS Grace! All of our hearts are completely evil; whether you admit yours is or not, trust me, it is. Mine is. And i won't hide behind a mask anymore - that is not Grace displayed. Grace displayed is the evil heart NOT being hidden anymore but DISPLAYED and CHANGED!! Sanctification should not be done in the dark. It only benefits one, then, and actually not as much as it could. The process of growing more and more like Christ should be corporate, so MANY may benefit. So OTHERS may REJOICE WITH and GROW FROM the ONE's testimony. This is the main reason Christ formed the Church!! So so many times we squelch that wonderful privilege with our pride of wishing others to see us already sanctified. We wear masks and think it helps us. Worse, we think we can't take it off because then the other mask-wearers would see and be shocked. I believe this is true for everyone. Why can't we all pull off our pretty little masks and actually HELP each other?? If we all did that, we wouldn't need the masked - then we would genuinely BE beautiful and have no need to fake it. God sees us for who we really are - why can't we let anyone else?

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small


This song sums it up. I know i'm done with that masquerade. That's why i don't care who reads this. I can only be who i really am, and hope the Love of Christ is enough to make you stay.