(Un)Answered Questions

i promised a friend that i would break down the scenario of a fish that couldn't back up )long story) but right now doesn't seem right. Maybe i'll talk about it later on down this post. I've got a lot to think about. I don't think i can unpack it all, all the wonderings, the questions, all the sadness, pain, love, all the joy, all the confusion, and all the speculation that is going through my head like a low budget French film from the 70's. i'm gonna try, though.
So, Why. Why?

Why...

Why do i congratulate myself on being a great worship leader? I lead others to worship our Great Savior and i find myself just praising myself. Why can't i destroy my own pride and arrogance in an ability that is not my own and which was designed to bring glory and honor to Another?

Why is there so much evil in this world? I just heard about a friend of a friend who was recently murdered, along with all her siblings, in an extremely graphic way. Why do the people closest to them have to go through such agony all because of a rash idea in a murderer's heart? I don't know, but i know that even though i don't know this family my prayers go out to them and everyone closest to them. I hope yours do as well.

Why do the good intentions of Godly people go so badly awry?

Why am i constantly seeking to claim glory from a music project that was originally created to glorify God? Every success and failure causes me to increasingly look inward and either be impressed by my accomplishments or be disgusted and repulsed by my failure, so it's always "i did Great!" or "I can do so much better than That!" Ugh i have perverted something good, as always. It was perverted to start with, whie the idea was being developed. I'm constantly turning the focus and attention on myself and not being amazed afresh at what He has dome for everything, specifically in this project! I do this and expect the project to succeed? I have a bad taste in my mouth, and i think it would do well for me to constantly review this project's title. I can only say thank God i have so many selfless servents helping me with this, i know due to my own arrogance and pride nothing at all would come from this. Thank you every one of you who knows what i'm talking about, please continually be going back to the Cross and remaining humble!

To all this... Why? Why?

I don't think i will ever have the answers.

Is that a bad thing??

Why can't i just trust God In all this..? Why can't i trust His Heart? When i can't trace His Hand, i can trust His Heart!! I know he has started a good work, and i KNOW that He will finish it!!

Well... now that i am actively working on trusting Him, I'm calmer now, i'm listening to country (which always calms me down :-D) and i'm praying intermitently. Now, Hayley, i know you've scrolled down to this part to try to find the part where i talk about your thing. No cheating - go up to the top and read everything again, and then meet me down here when you've done that. Go on.

....

Ok now that you've read the WHOLE post, Hayley, i will now talk about the, um, mentally challenged fish :-P ok for the rest of you what 's going on,to the best i can remember, (having only been told once) is there was this fsh, see. At Outdoor World i think And he couldn't back up. for ease of readability, i'm gonna call our little fish 'Bob". So Bob had swam for so far that he couldn't turn around and swim somewhere else. Bob stayed there. For a long time, i think. Just stuck, but not really. Now this could be an anology for many things. Let's dive in here (pun intended) and see if we can pinpoint a couple similarities in the following anologies and our friend Bob the Fish.

#1: Sometimes our life choices take us in a direction where at some point we find that we can't go forward , due to circumstances, and we can't back up, because of consequences of our previous actions. Take Jeff. Jeff did something very bad. Jeff left home when he was a teenager because he and his parents had a, let's say "strained" relationship. Now years down the road, after turning around a life of drugs and immorality, Jeff hears that his folk's health is failing. That relationship never having been restored, and more bitterness having grown between them, our friend Jeff can't care for his folks because of past decisions and bitterness sustained. Just like Bon the Fish, Jeff the Hypethetical Person can't back up...

#2: This one is a little sadder. Well a lot sadder. Hypethetical Jeff might be able to fix his hypethetical situation, but our next buddy, Paul, can't. Paul's life has been one of pleasure-seeking, at whatever cost. and what's worst, Paul wants nothing to do with the Gospel. His life His life choices and circumstances have hardened his heart and led him down the wrong path. This is different from Bob the Fish and Jeff the Other Person, though. Even though he can't back up; Paul doesn't WANT to back up, really. We need to pray for people like the analogical Paul.

#3: Now i'm gonna introd-- well you know what, that's enough. I think we've met enough hypethetical people, and, i think, one-too-many pathetically-personified fishes. I'm done.

So there, i think instead of answering my own questions, i've answered one presented by that lovable movie of the early 90's... So Hayley, other readers, and Mr Bill Murray, i think we now know... What About Bob??!?