The rollercoaster

So nothing (except the Gospel of course!) can account for how crazy happy i am at this particular moment. Maybe it's that my foreseeable future is very bright, with great things going on in my christian walk, the band, my career, my senior year, and my social life and activities haha. But... this past while since i've posted, life hasn't been quite this way.... i struggled on and off with depression and anxiety (haha - i sound like an anti-depression meds commercial =P) and i wasn't doing too great or relying on The Lord at all. Like the title of this here post, my life's been a rollercoaster lately... But, due to much prayer and so so much love and care from my dear dear friends, things have been much much better! I've been so at peace the past few days, and i believe God is starting to dissolve the deep bitterness and anger that's been in my heart over a few issues. It's hard to forgive sometimes, but of course that's what God calls us to do, and i'm slowly learning that. So wayyyy too much has been going on in my life to really list it all here, it's all been a blur of stuff (mostly music related!) mostly comprised of working in the studio with engineer Robert McClure, yelling at musicians, running cables, and generally getting everybody organized so Mr M can do his job... last saturday it was just him and me in a session recording a jazz band of 15+ members! As he said "We're runnin around like chickens with our heads cut off!" It's so much fun though... like i know i've said before, i've quite found my calling, as far as i can tell now... Also been going on is a very light school year, surprisingly for my last year (YAY) of highscool... i love the approach we're taking this year haha. And i'm still searching for a full time job, getting everything organized so i can start calling studios. AMP has been just amazing lately as always, we are currently tracking our single This Final Breath and hope to have it out very soon. Wesley and i were in Studio A all day yesterday, and we'll be there all day tomorrow as well. Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday i'm planning to spend with great friends, and just kick back and relax after a crazy busy yet amazing week. :-) Well to stop myself from elaborating further, i'm gonna cut this short (!!) and post something i wrote at about 4am while i was still depressed... if you can look past the gloom, i think it has some great points, reading back through it... see what you think.

"I never want to conform to what is deemed "cool". I know that popular culture defines what is "cool" and i choose to not be swayed by popular culture as i understand the system and try to influence and create the popular culture, and if i be conformed to it, i could not influence or sway it as /i would be conformed to the same mold i tried to shape!/ "Do not be conformed to the Image of this world but /be transformed by the renewel of your mind!!/" This is the lifestyle we are called to lead, to be influencers and shapers and not mindless conformants to a corrupt system. I may be deemed "uncool" by those conformed, but it means no more to me than a drop of water would to a raging river. It's our call to BE that raging river, a current and force so strong that it destroys the levies and dams of popular culture and opens us up to a renewed vigor for life, the Renewal of The Mind."

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