Raining at Sunset

I love this song, when i'm most discouraged, the bright sadness and excruciating beauty of this song help me so much... you should listen to it while reading this post ;-)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#raining%20at%20sunset

Well. after 2 funtastic posts i think it's time to settle down into a serious one finally... As many of my dear friends who know me well will tell you, i'm not really the wide-open guy i appear to be... i'll let you in on a little secret: a lot of times i act that way so i don't become a "fun-killer" with my strange introspective conspiracy-theory rants and brooding seriousness, which is most of the time who i really am. I do like to have fun of course, but i value good fellowship and deep thinking a far better way to spend time in life rather than goofing off constantly. Life isn't one big laugh, people. Make an effort to make your conversations go deeper, it'll serve you well. I tell ya, most times i laugh because i know that if i don't, i'll cry. And i know many of you are the same... Our lives are so complicated and so extremely frustrating and intensely stressful most times, if we don't take time to both talk out the issues, and then also laugh about them best we can, we'll go insane. Now of course, the best thing to do is go to God first with it all. There's no substitute for Him. But, so many times he provides other avenues as well for our consolation, specifically sweet conversations with a dear friend, laughter, and also music to show us His love and care.

Anyway.

Right now, i could use a conversation with a good friend. Although, most of them should be in bed at this hour (2:15 am) as should i be. (i have a good reason for staying up: i'd LOVE to go to bed, i'm exhausted, but i can't yet) Anyway, this blog will have to do.

Today was a rough one. For those of you that don't know, i'm a music producer and mix/tracking audio engineer, i work at 4 different recording studios in Uptown Charlotte, Lake Wylie, and North Charlotte, and i work /for/ about 7 different producers, several of which are high-caliber music legends. I've been very fortunate to get in with that crowd quickly, simply be being at "the right place at the right time" and i've enjoyed the opportunity to work with the biggest artists, producers, label executives, and the like, on some truly great material, at some truly incredible world-famous studios and great live venues... I've been blessed to experience some of the wildest joys and extreme mind blowing excitement over the fulfillment of my passion in music over the past months, and i'm continually humbled to be so blessed with the opportunity to be present while history is being made in the studio and in those tiny rooms away from everyone, the only people there being the forerunners in the new face of music, and myself... i've watched as the face of music is changed and the course of it all been decided... i've been there. I do not say all this to brag, because what am I to deserve this, and what do I have that is not from God? ...Now, along with the intense joy, there is an equal amount of intense frustration, pain and incredible stress to go along, and sometimes more of the latter. Along with witnessing firsthand the advancements in music, i've also witnessed the backbiting, the slander, and sometimes the downright viscousness that these men can portray... Like the mafia, these men are "businessmen" and don't really care if they ruin anyone's career, or if anyone messes up, because they know they have 100 men ready to jump in and fill that one's position. "Nothing personal, it's just business". I've seen young men like myself do just one thing wrong, and seen the producer lean over to his assistant and say "get him out of here" and that young man will be literally kicked out of the studio and locked out, permanently. I live with this stress daily, always conscious of every little thing i do that i don't make a mistake. How i word things even, i have to watch. There are also many things that go on behind the scenes that i am not at liberty to share that add to the burden that i carry... And guys well it just gets to me sometimes. Today was one of those days... And, I feel like also i'm one of the only people left in this world that actually cares any for the work i do, making sure i do things /right/, even though no one will notice or know besides me and God. Nobody does that anymore, and frankly it has me irritated and increasingly angry at the apalling display of apathy i constantly see all around me everywhere i go. Everyone uses everybody else, and the only people that try not to use people are the ones that get used the most and are increasingly drug down into the dirt and beaten down in this horrible sinful desolate world.

BUT

God is so good, everyone. During the course of this post i actually talked to one of my very dear friends who encouraged me with this verse:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

- Romans 8:28-30

And then my friend immediately followed that by quoting the additional chorus to "It Is Well":

"no matter what this life my bring, no matter what my needs may be, no matter that I am so weak, it is well"

And you know what friends? It IS well!! This is not our home, and even though we may experience joys and sorrows here, we can look forward to everlasting Joy in heaven, our TRUE home!! If you have been struggling with depression, i hope these verses help you as they have me... God truly is so good, my friends. Let's all rest in that fact :-)